August 5, 2009

Bonerkiller: You Have A Severe Case Of OTD (Obsessive Tweeting Disorder)

Let’s not confuse the issue here: tech savvy girls are radical. A subscription to Wired is a plus and the ability to speak intelligibly about why you think Twitter can change the world one anecdotal update at a time isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But my libido dwindles down to the level of a sleeping Stephen Hawking when I see that you've posted more than 10,000 updates from your Twitter page.

I can accept that you pretend to tweet because it’s part of your job. I’m not exactly sure why it’s important to know about Shaq’s bowel movements in order to be a successful teacher, but I can accept it. What I can’t accept is the fact that you’ve felt the need to share something that happened to you in the past few weeks roughly as often as that one drunk person at the bar felt the need to compulsively play tributary Michael Jackson tracks on the jukebox.

It’s not that tweeting is inherently bad, but over-saturation destroys happiness and sucks the life out of anything. Take high-fives for instance: If we did them all the time they would not only become meaningless, they would be annoying. Instead of a spontaneous expression of awesomeness, high-fives would become a reminder of what it means to waste life constantly doing something pointless. Over-tweeting lumps anything worthwhile that we experience in with the stuff nobody needs to really know about.

If you need help breaking the cycle, just try to high-five someone every time you feel the impulse to tweet. Problem solved.


Anonymous said...

I HATE over tweeting. It makes people boring, because I, along with anyone else with a cell phone and/or internet access, already know every silly little anectdote from their day. I don't mind tweeting in general, because I do it, too, when it's something too exciting to hold in, or something not especially directed at someone in particular twitter is a great outlet. It's when I already know the story (via twitter) and I have to sit through it again in person. It's the pits.

Anonymous said...

There's need to be a "tweeters anonymous" 12-step program.

Post a Comment