I'm not sold on this coffee date idea because I don't want to:
- Meet you somewhere well-lit. We might as well have our first date in a dressing room at the Gap. Fuck that.
- Make small talk with a semi-stranger (i.e. him) while I'm sober. It just doesn't sound fun or sexy. Sorry.
- Run into someone I know. I'll introduce my date as a friend, but I'll ask it as a question like, "This is my friend? Pierre." Then, my buddy will detect my hesitation, picking up on the fact that I am on a first date. She will nod knowingly with a wide, fake smile and back away slowly with a hint of pity for me, like she just walked in me during a job interview that I'm tanking.
- What if we hit it off? I'm not gonna grab a second cup of coffee. If we went out for a drink, at least I could grab another beer seamlessly. I guess that's the point of meeting at a cafe; to limit our interaction time but still, sometimes another beer goes a long way.
- If he talks my ear off, I'll have to sit there with an empty coffee cup pretending to listen as I get increasingly more jittery. I'm already nervous! Now, I'm nervous AND jittery.
- Say goodbye to him. Do I give him a handshake? A high five? A hug? A kiss on the cheek? I already know that we'll both will have coffee breath. Eh. Count me out.