September 2, 2009

As A Head's Up, Here Are Some Dates That I Don't Want To Go On

Listen, it's really sweet that you want to take me out. But, the places you're suggesting we go to are downright fucktarded. Just so we are clear, I do not want to go on the following dates with you:
  • To a NASCAR race. I'm sure it could be fun if we went ironically and made fun of the other attendees, but from what I can gather you seem to genuinely enjoy this "sport." Not to be a brat, but I have about zero percent interest in going to this. If this makes me less fun in your eyes, so be it. And when you told me that I should keep an open mind and go with you, I resented it. If opening my mind means going to NASCAR races and fraternizing with mullets in wrap-around shades, then I'm totally happy to be myopic.
  • To a Jimmy Buffet concert. Um, this is never gonna happen. I don't care how nicely you ask, I will not let you take me to Margaritaville. I don't even feel like I need to explain this to you. Just the fact that you suggested this as a date option makes me depressed. When you asked me why it made me depressed, well, that just made me more depressed.
  • To KFC. Going to KFC for dinner is not a date. I didn't put on mascara for this. I'm not a snob by any means and no one enjoys a value more than me, but a fast food date at this stage in the game is not only bizarre, but sad. Besides, I only go to fast food restaurants when I'm either on a road trip or am PMS-ing. Just lettin' you know.
  • To a surprise party at a reptile house. Ok, no one has ever seriously proposed this as a date suggestion, but just so we are all on the same page, I would never go on a date here since I have a reptile phobia. I probably would have a heart attack and die. In essence, this would be a date with death.
What's the worst date someone has proposed to you? Leave 'em in the comments.

16 comments:

Baby J said...

Recently my cousin told me she (unwillingly) obliged to go to a Creed Concert, this would be number one on my list of dates I don't want to go on.

Anna said...

Haha! WOW!

Tender Branson said...

I would not go any of the above (except maybe the surprise party at a reptile house). The worst date proposal has been to go to church with someone. I have a problem showing affection in front of the lord.

Allan Smithee said...

re: NASCAR race

Actually, that is supposed to be pretty impressive in person. It would almost be like refusing to spend a day at the ballpark just because you think baseball is boring on television.

Also, you would probably be one of the hottest chicks there. Talk about a self esteem booster.

Anna said...

I didn't realize this NASCAR thing was such a lightening rod! Well, in this particular case, the guy who wanted to take me seemed more into the sport of it than going with me as a cultural anomaly. Who knows? Someone wanna take me to a NASCAR race and test this theory?

Jon K said...

Stick to your guns on the NASCAR thing. My agency does a lot of work for NASCAR and have to go to a lot of races, and have nothing but weird rednecky horror stories. One was about a yellow school bus full of about 30 shirtless dudes, all of which sat on the roof of the bus to watch the race, more than half of which just sat there holding shotguns for no apparent reason. No thank you.

Also, I feel like your reptile phobia could seriously ruin a nice zoo date. That's a shame because the zoo is awesome.

Anna said...

Jon, since when does going to the reptile house make or break a zoo date? Everyone knows the real stars of the show are the tigers. Rawr!

Allan Smithee said...

re: Stick to your guns on the NASCAR thing. My agency does a lot of work for NASCAR and have to go to a lot of races, and have nothing but weird rednecky horror stories. One was about a yellow school bus full of about 30 shirtless dudes...

In that case, she should probably avoid Eagles games also.

Jon K said...

As a date? Sounds about right to me. Nothing says romance like a fat drunk guy yelling at you to do the wave in sub-zero temperatures.

Julia said...

All you can eat crab leg night, this would kill me (literally)

Diane said...

Wait, I'm confused. Why would there be a surprise party in the reptile house? That threw me off, hee... "fucktarded" made me giggle, too.

I can't remember a bad date suggestion. I mean, most guys have stuck to pretty by-the-book locations. However, in one first date, the guy took me to see the movie Serenity, which was sweet for a couple reasons, except that it had me totally bummed out and in shock and wanting to cry for a few hours afterwards... I kept yelling at him, "Why would you take me to see this, knowing what happened and who died?!" Kinda hard to stay romantic when you're bummed about fictional characters dying...

Jon K said...

Wash was awesome though it would be hard not to be upset. Maybe he was planning on consoling you afterwards, and it was a calculated move.

Bethsoda said...

Who IS this guy? I mean, the zoo as a date is cute, I think - but a "suprise party at the reptile house?" I dunno, I'm thinking with this guy, there shouldn't even BE a first date (well, unless he buys you a dinner nicer than KFC - which shouldn't be hard!)

Anna said...

The zoo date was a joke because I hate reptiles. No one has seriously asked me to go on that date. YET!

Jen Da Purse Ho said...

1) a birthday party where you don't know anyone but your date....and everyone there (but you) is getting high and talking about how much they love smoking the ganga.

2) out to a buffet with your date...and his dad.

3) to a guy's personal testimony he is giving at church where he explains his very sad sad life story.

Laura said...

Call me crazy but a suprise party in the reptile house would be an amazing date! It's a lil wacky and spontainious which I love, it'd definately be memorable and if he went to the effort of organising a party at a zoo for me I'd know he really cared, He'd be a hero in my eyes.

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