September 3, 2009

Bonerkiller: The Higher Her Internal Thermostat, The Lower My Interest

So the past few days were the first days in months where the summer heat broke and the first taste of fall appeared on the horizon. We're talking nice 70 degree weather with a slight breeze. It’s been absolutely heavenly. With temperatures soaring into the 90s the past few weeks, it was particularly miserable, so I am seriously loving life and already imagining scenarios in which I could possibly wear a hoodie at night. Did I mention that I love the fall?

However, I’ve had no fewer than three girls at work tell me they think it’s too cold and that they miss the heat.

What?!

WHAT?!?!

Now, of course, all of these girls are unavailable anyway, but--hypothetically speaking--if they were potential dating partners, I’d have to go out on a limb and say that this temperature discrepancy thing is a total bonerkiller.

It’s not like my other dealbreakers, where it has to do with personality or character; this is purely biological. For some reason, they’re comfortable at a temperature that makes me absolutely miserable. Think of all the logistical nightmares that could cause: I’ve got the air-conditioning on full blast and they’re sitting in the passenger seat shivering and wanting to die. Or, god help me, the opposite scenario where I’m sweating and miserable in a hot car and they don’t even notice.

This is perhaps most evident when I tell people I’m traveling to Iceland in the fall. People with the higher internal thermostat look at me like I’m a little crazy. “Aren’t you going to be freezing?” they ask. And I want to reply, “EXACTLY.”

The idea of a vacation where I sit on a beach all day does sound fun, but I had better have an ice-cold drink in hand and I am going to be taking regular trips to the ocean to cool down. Otherwise, it's a no-go.

To all the girls with the higher internal thermostats, I’m afraid it’s just not going to happen. Your aversion to autumn is a bonerkiller. Unless you love wearing sweaters, then maybe we could work something out.

11 comments:

Jon K said...

This post has officially made up for your dog hate. I could not agree with this more. My apartment is going to be somewhere around 65-70 degrees year round, end of discussion.

Planet Caroline said...

Don't understand how people whine that recent 70 degree temps are so cold. Isn't that a normal indoor temp? As a cold lover and former Chicago denizen, I hear you.

Blue Light J said...

I have this theory where testosterone warms the body more so than estrogen, thus most girls are generally colder than most guys. Because every girl I've ever dated is usually freezing. And every female nurse I've worked with is usually freezing. But when I try to bring this up, women tend to get mad for some reason. I don't get it.

Jon K said...

It's actually because the female body was designed to protect a baby, so more of the bloodflow is concentrated in the abdomen, which I guess takes away from warming the extremities.

Or someone lied to me, but it sounds about right to me.

k. said...

Don't worry, there are girls out there who are exactly like you--I really dislike the heat and can't WAIT for winter.

Chad said...

@ Jon K and Blue Light J: I'll be happy to correct you both. Women have a lower metabolic rate than men. Men convert food into muscle and energy which needs to be given off (as excess heat). Because women don't generate as much energy, they generate less internal heat and also absorb less heat from the outside world. It's called sexual dimorphism, look it up. Either way, our friend PHIL is in trouble if he's looking for a girl who runs as cool as most men.

Anna said...

I love fall and all of the ceremony that comes with it. Boys (and girls) who like hot, sweaty, humid weather can pretty much fuck off. Hoodie weather rules the skool.

LizardQueen said...

Oh man... Now I'm starting to feel like a failure of a girl by Chad's explanation because I'm pretty much always warmer than any girl I'm ever around. I get hot easily and my favorite seasons are listed in the order that they occur starting with Fall as the top choice and Summer as my least favorite. And that's saying a lot because I'm a teacher.

kat said...

I hate the heat, and am so much happier when I'm wearing 3 shirts + a sweater. But I have planned my life accordingly thus far.
I'm from Wisconsin but even the summers there can be unbearable hot at times (anything above 75 is gross) so now I go to Antarctica in the winters and Alaska in the summer. Its basically perfect...
Its between -60 and + 60 almost all year long for me!

Erfs said...

I am always ALWAYS hot - to the point where I can actually fog up windows. I've actually been compared to a space heater more than once. Chad is right - my doc told me it was because of my metabolism. Can't wait for tomorrow - it's going down to the 60s!

Bethsoda said...

I'm a girl who happens to HATE the heat. My A/C is on set to around 70 year round. I'm always astonished, esp. in the Spring when it's gotten to maybe 65 and I am wearing a t-shirt with no jacket and people are actually walking around with scarves, hats and gloves on. I really don't get it. I've taken to spending the majority of the year carrying around one of those asian type fans with me all the time because even when it's cooler inside, if I've been moving at all, I still need more time to cool myself down. There are some girls like me out there - like my friend Susan whose house we nicknamed the icebox and who, like me, when it's nice out likes to drive around with the windows open AND the A/C still blasting. My mom says I'm going to melt when I go through menopause.

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