September 19, 2009
There are a ton of things that guys say to us that flip our lid. This phrase in particular makes us go downright batty because of the expectation involved. What are you gonna to say? No, I do not got this? Are we gonna argue about who's gonna pay right there in the restaurant?
When you do begrudgingly pay the bill, he always gives you a little kiss to thank you for it. I hate that kiss. It's not a sensual kiss. It's like he's kissing the ATM that just paid for the meal or he's thanking his grandma for his annual $25 birthday check. That kiss can go fuck itself.
We really don't mind chipping in and treating a guy, but when he starts to expect it, well, that's some Brody from Mallrats type of shit. We think "What Would Brody Do?" and if the guy is exhibiting any of his behaviors--playing video games incessantly, not introducing us to his family, giving the stinkpalm to adults, and/or being an overall deadbeat--well, it makes us consider dating a Fashionable Male employee and wearing a Degrassi bomber jacket, too. Snoochie boochies (what does that even mean?)
What phrases would you like to stab? Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org and vent.