September 17, 2009

Bonerkiller: Dramatic Internet Quitters

Let me guess: you're quitting the Internet. Again. First, you gave the finger to Friendster. I remember you wrote a lengthy bulletin about how you were going to delete your profile because you were sick of everyone all up in your business. Groan. 

Then, I remember when you quit MySpace and wrote another lengthy bulletin about how the whole site was a waste of your time. I barely noticed when my friend count clicked down a notch, but I guess I was happy to know it was from your hissy fit and not because I bummed someone out.

And, then you took your Flickr page down because you didn't like strangers leafing through your photos. So, now that you've decided to quit Facebook in a huff, I can't say that I'm surprised.

Despite your expressed desire to be off-the-grid, you keep popping back onto the grid every 8 months. Which is fine, whatever, but I don't wanna read your mini-breakdowns every time you decide that you lose interest. Frankly, you are not good at quitting the Internet. It's like if i told a guy, "I'm not going to talk to you anymore." Don't tell him that! Just stop talking to him! I figured that one out in sixth grade.

So, all you Internet quitters out there, get stuffed. Hearing about your disinterest in the World Wide Web and reading your stupid missives about how you're sick of wasting your time on a site is about as exciting as watching this season of Entourage, i.e. not very.

7 comments:

k. said...

And what's better than their internet rants? When they mention it at a party or the next time you see them.

Tender Branson said...

Love the column, love the picture almost as much.

Jon K said...

I know this is about me, so screw you I quit this site. I don't need this kind of shit.

Philly grrl said...

I've had a lot of friends who've quit their Internetting to focus on their off-line artistic pursuits with fantastic results (published novels/albums/etc). On the other hand, I'm a social media addict and haven't tried to give up my Facebook since college...

And as for Twitter - well you can just take that out of my cold, dead hands.

loey said...

this isn't about whether or not one should quit the internet. it's about the way one does it... and the fact that no one else cares either way.

Phil said...

i back this post so fucking hard.

Anonymous said...

"I quit facebook" is the new "I don't even own a TV."

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