September 19, 2009

Phrases We'd Like To Stab In The Face: "You Can Come Over...If You Want"

"I think I'm just gonna lay low at my house. Um, you can come over...if you want."
"Well, do you want me to come over?" I say.  Long pause.
"It's up to you. I mean, you can. If you want." 

Not to be too dramatic, but nothing puts a pin in my balloon faster than hearing this out of a guy's mouth. It is the most non-committal, least enthusiastic, unfriendliest, crummiest thing to hear from someone you were excited to spend time with. Of course I want to hang out! Of course I want to come over! That's why I picked up the phone when you called. I put mascara on. I shaved my legs. I'm wearing my lucky blush for crying out loud. All signs point to Yes-I-Want-To-Hang-Out land. 

I'm not sure if this is even scientifically possible, but I swear I can hear him shrugging through the phone. This is maddening. Oh man, I think I just blew a gasket. I can feel the steam zipping out of my ear. I feel my whole body becoming hotter with anger, like when Sarah O'Connor grabs the fence when the nuclear bomb hits in Terminator 2.*

I wish I could stab this phrase in the face. I want to punch a pillow. I want to slam a heavy door. This two minute phone call has essentially turned me into the Hulk. Great.

*For all of my sensitive readers, the image above is a still from the movie Terminator 2. It is all CGI'ed and kinda fake looking. I can assure you that no one was harmed in the making of this post.


Unknown said...

Just to play devils advocate for a mo.. It might not have "unfriendly and unenthusiastic" tendencies.

It could be the guy is genuinely clueless about your intentions, it could be he's fishing for a better alternative (usually "or, you could come round here" as a means of determining how into him you are.) or, and more than likely, it's for an ego boost - to prove to him in a police-requiring-a-statement-even-if-they-have-evidence-placing-you-at-the-crime kinda way.

Non-committal might be the last thing on his mind ;)

Phil said...

This phrase takes on a whole new meaning at 2:00am when the bars let out into the streets. Does the face stabbing still apply in that scenario?

Anonymous said...

WTFever! Dudes, y'all need to stop being such fucking PUSSIES. Say what you mean & mean what you say. Damn. Anna, this post is ON POINT.

Diane said...

I'm totally with polianarchy and Anna. I want to either punch the dude in the face or smack my head against a wall. You can guess which one I'd prefer to do. -_- What you're suggesting is possible, alphaxion. And honestly, it's kinda nice. But I wonder how likely to be true it really is in the general world, as opposed to a "that would be an example of one dude, the exception, and this guy is not the exception" scenario. I'm the kind of person that tends to make excuses for others, so I'm wary of this...

Jen Da Purse Ho said...

my bf used this earlier tonight when he wanted to come by and hang out. "i feel like coming over and bugging you tonight." I said "I would like that..." he said "I can swing by if you want..." i said "i do. come over." he said "ok....if you really want me to..." i said "yes please." I thought he was being cute! I never considered this non-committal angle! (this is screaming new relationship...)

Unknown said...

I love this :)

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