You know how people say to put your best foot foward when meeting someone new? Well, you seem to take delight in putting your worst foot right into my face.
I'm not sure if you've ever watched the genius show, "The Pick-Up Artist," but Mystery would have a lot to say about your approach. I can just picture him in a remote location watching you through a monitor, making quips to J-Dog and Matador about your severe crash and burn.
To use their terminology, you are tossing out demonstrations of lower value (DLV) all OVER THE PLACE! Listening to you talk about yourself, I'm getting hit with DLV shrapnel. It's like Saving Private Ryan but with your terrible, unflattering stories instead of bullets. So, your ex changed her phone number because she didn't want to hear from you anymore? Your brother just got put in jail? You car is impounded because you don't have car insurance? WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME ANY OF THESE THINGS WHEN WE JUST MET?
I'm honestly beginning to think that you must be allergic to impressing me. Maybe that's your "thing," to just let it all hang out, warts and all. Maybe you tell yourself, "if a girl is gonna love me, she has to love all of me. I ain't gonna change myself for her or for anybody." It's times like this that I wish I had a mini pocket gong that I could take out of my purse. You know why? Because I would gong you.