September 28, 2009

Things I'm Terrible At: Telling A Guy That I Don't Like His Underwear

My new dude is hilarious and handsome. But there's one thing I just can't get past: he wears tightie whities. Only Calvin Klein models from the '90s and David Beckham look halfway decent in these cottony nut huggers. Otherwise, tightie whities make me think of what little boys wear when they are just out of diapers but still wet the bed, or old men with skidmarks, or Borat in that hotel scene of his movie. I hate to break it to you, but tighty whities are not sexy on the majority of human males.

No matter how charming he is, I start acting weird as soon as I see that little bit of white elastic fabric peeking out from the top of his jeans. It's there mocking me everytime he bends over to grab a beer out of the fridge or locks up his bike. It actually makes my hands clammy and I get nervous and try to stand behind him so no one else can see it.

But I don't know how to tell him that it's a total turnoff because he's such a sweetheart. I prefer briefs but boxers are fine. I'd even be able to handle the tight little boy underwear if it was in another color, say Midnight Black or Superhero Red. Anything but white. I've tried the subtle gift-giving of briefs, only to be told that his white underwear is the only kind that fits. Really? The ONLY kind? There are like 200 underwear brands out there, I guarantee one of them will fit and not make him look like the man with the old balls from Big Daddy. My friend poked fun at him as he bent over his bar stool last weekend, saying "Awww, how cute! Tightie whities! Ha!" I was secretly cheering her on, but now he just thinks she's a total bitch. *Sigh*


Anna said...

This happened to me with my ex-boyfriend except that I told him that I didn't like his tighty wighties. His response? He told me that I was wrong and that those were clearly the best, sexiest underwear and that I had to just deal with it. Honestly, that's what he said!

In his defense, he had a SLAMMIN' body so he could pull them off, so to speak. But still, he was extremely brief-loyal and any attempts I made to push boxer-briefs on him were in vain.

bianca said...

Aw hooray Lora! Underwear is so fleeting, haha.

You know, I had an ex whose mom used to buy him his undies (this is like when we were 18-19) and it had all these traffic signs on it, including a large stop sign and i said... um, do you think she's trying to tell us something?

you could always buy him boxers and see how that goes? like hey i got you a surprise... hah!

Jeanette said...

Once I woke up in a bed next to over sized smiley-faced boxers, I'm not sure I've ever run so fast.

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