November 30, 2009

Reader Submission: Yo, Free Internet Dating Site, Quit Being Such A Doucher

One of our very favorite readers, Mary Beth, just sent this to us. It's hysterical because we can totally relate and this is why we are terrified of Internet dating. Read on:
I signed up on OKCupid recently and so far it has resulted in two dates with men of questionable sexual preference. (Translation: they were gay, but they didn't know it.) There weren't any other viable options, so I idly looked at who this so-far-untrustworthy site suggested I'd be interested in.

I innocently thought, "Hmm, 91% match, you say? Let's take a closer loo--No. No, no, no, no that cannot be him. Tell me that it is not HIM!" Oh, but it was. The "him" the site told me I might be interested in, was none other than the last guy to break my heart. Well, technically, the guy was never my official ex for the sole reason that he continually pulled away, came back, then pulled away again and so didn't ever come close to being my boyfriend.
I hadn't spoken to him or seen him in over a year. He's not on Facebook either, so I could pretend he didn't exist. At least until now, when I was face to face with his somewhat creepy Webcam picture. The best part? In his self summary, he openly admitted to having a habit of shutting people out. It's unfortunate that there is no algorithm to factor in "been there, done that, go away forever, please."
Being matched up with someone from our past is one of our biggest fears about signing up for any online dating sites. Also, we tried it once and it suggested we match up with one of our best guy friends. There was our profile, casual yet flirty, and there was his profile, talking about his turn-offs and the best lie he's ever told. It was awkward, like we just walked in on him dropping a deuce aka releasing the chocolate hostages aka taking the Cleveland Browns to the Superbowl. Really, I could go on but I think you get the drift. I avoid people IRL all the time; to do it IMIL (in my Internet life) is just too much.

11 comments:

Julia said...

HAH my former boss was also on OKCupid, I would see him in my matches but never clicked cause he would see me. Well one day he checked out my profile, I sent him an awkward "Hey creepy older divorcee that I have a flirtatious work relationship, why are you e-stalking me?"

He responded "because you were a good match but kinkier than I am."

I guess I got was coming to me.

allarevessels said...

hey babes, I do fashion photography. Check out my new video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQ-O3c1sjjI
I'm the 4th one in. Let's do this!

Anna said...

Yawn. I posted that video over two months ago! Keep up.

allarevessels said...

oh. this is funny stuff. when is your next speed dating thing? i'm cold and want a girlfriend.

Anna said...

Are you in Philly? I have a tentative date for the next one but I haven't announced it yet. I'm so secretive!!

allarevessels said...

chinatizzle

Jon K said...

I feel you on this one. I was a bit smitten with a girl at one point that after some roundabout courting gave me the always-classic "I feel like I've been sending you the wrong signals" line. In order to bounce back from that, my friends talked me into signing up for online dating, which immediately told me that my #1 most compatible match in Philadelphia was this same girl.

The internet can be a real dick sometimes.

Jilly B said...

Well, in an almost equally awkward situation, an acquaintance and I ended up dating the same guy. We each told a mutual friend and she realized what was going on. Totally awkward.

Lora said...

haha my boss had her #1 match as her ex-husband. yikes!

tobes the wonder dog said...

i had a %95 match with a guy who once tried to have a threeway with me and the guy i was seeing.

Tender Branson said...

That's how you know you were a good match...sorry to say.

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