December 20, 2009

Tip Our Hats: Your Internet-Self Is On Point

It’s almost a requirement in the dating world nowadays. You meet someone new at a party, you hit it off, and then over the next few days, you do the required Internet due diligence: check the Facebook profile, read her tweets, scope out her blog, all in search of any red flags. Inevitably, there’s always one or two. Maybe she listed a band you can’t believe she’d actually like, or maybe her tweets are filled with typos and abbreviations like “U R 2 COOL”, or maybe she's espousing radical Sarah Palin-style political views on her blog.

What the hell did people do before the Internet allowed you to lurk the various online personas of the person you’re interested in? I guess you had to – gasp – have real-life conversations and find out all this stuff slowly over several weeks? My God, who has time for that?! We are in the digital age, people!

Okay okay, I digress. The point I’m trying to make is that I’ve checked your Facebook profile, your blog, your tweets, and I can’t find a damn thing, not even an unflattering photo you forgot to untag yourself from. You like good music, like the same cheesy movies that I do, and you seem to be constantly doing really cool shit. Come clean: What are you hiding?

After clicking on the 20th cute picture of you at a party that looks way more fun than anything I did last week, now I'm worried about what happens when the tables are turned. Are you checking my Internet shit and judging me? Oh god, what if I don't add up? You've got me agonizing over my next tweet and I just deleted my blog entry defending the artistic merits of Air Supply. I gotta make sure I'm at my digital best for you!

As a person who reveals my faults and embarrasses myself on the Internet on a regular basis, I’m impressed by how buttoned-up you seem to be. Granted, I never got around to checking your Friendster profile, but I assume you’ve got that on lockdown, too. So to all you girls with the hilarious blog entries, correctly-spelled tweets, and artsy photos on your Flickr, I tip my hat to you. Why don’t you and I check in somewhere together on Foursquare soon?


Fluffy said...

"What the hell did people do before the Internet allowed you to lurk the various online personas of the person you’re interested in?"

read her zine, duh ;)

Phil said...

Haha I definitely didn't know any girls who wrote zines prior to the invention of the internet. If I had, I think my mind would have been sufficiently blown.

Anna said...

Actually, I had a zine in high school. The only thing you would've learned if you'd read it is that I like Taco Bell, I like my gym teacher, Mr. Fontenetta, and I hated my English teacher.

You also would've learned that I stole my prom bra from Victoria's Secret and that I hated this freshman kid named Noah. So, there's that.

Shannon K said...

haha anna, i had a 'zine in high school too. it basically tells you that my favorite band is the cold cold hearts and i have a really weird sense of humor. really, what more do you need to know?

wish i still had a copy

Phil said...

Was I the only person who didn't have a zine?!

Shit. I lose so many cool points.

Anna said...

Yeah...but, you have a blog now. That counts for something!

Noel said...

You probably shouldn't mention whatever you find though...

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