December 20, 2009

Tip Our Hats: Your Internet-Self Is On Point

It’s almost a requirement in the dating world nowadays. You meet someone new at a party, you hit it off, and then over the next few days, you do the required Internet due diligence: check the Facebook profile, read her tweets, scope out her blog, all in search of any red flags. Inevitably, there’s always one or two. Maybe she listed a band you can’t believe she’d actually like, or maybe her tweets are filled with typos and abbreviations like “U R 2 COOL”, or maybe she's espousing radical Sarah Palin-style political views on her blog.

What the hell did people do before the Internet allowed you to lurk the various online personas of the person you’re interested in? I guess you had to – gasp – have real-life conversations and find out all this stuff slowly over several weeks? My God, who has time for that?! We are in the digital age, people!

Okay okay, I digress. The point I’m trying to make is that I’ve checked your Facebook profile, your blog, your tweets, and I can’t find a damn thing, not even an unflattering photo you forgot to untag yourself from. You like good music, like the same cheesy movies that I do, and you seem to be constantly doing really cool shit. Come clean: What are you hiding?

After clicking on the 20th cute picture of you at a party that looks way more fun than anything I did last week, now I'm worried about what happens when the tables are turned. Are you checking my Internet shit and judging me? Oh god, what if I don't add up? You've got me agonizing over my next tweet and I just deleted my blog entry defending the artistic merits of Air Supply. I gotta make sure I'm at my digital best for you!

As a person who reveals my faults and embarrasses myself on the Internet on a regular basis, I’m impressed by how buttoned-up you seem to be. Granted, I never got around to checking your Friendster profile, but I assume you’ve got that on lockdown, too. So to all you girls with the hilarious blog entries, correctly-spelled tweets, and artsy photos on your Flickr, I tip my hat to you. Why don’t you and I check in somewhere together on Foursquare soon?

7 comments:

Fluffy said...

"What the hell did people do before the Internet allowed you to lurk the various online personas of the person you’re interested in?"

read her zine, duh ;)

Phil said...

Haha I definitely didn't know any girls who wrote zines prior to the invention of the internet. If I had, I think my mind would have been sufficiently blown.

Anna said...

Actually, I had a zine in high school. The only thing you would've learned if you'd read it is that I like Taco Bell, I like my gym teacher, Mr. Fontenetta, and I hated my English teacher.

You also would've learned that I stole my prom bra from Victoria's Secret and that I hated this freshman kid named Noah. So, there's that.

Shannon K said...

haha anna, i had a 'zine in high school too. it basically tells you that my favorite band is the cold cold hearts and i have a really weird sense of humor. really, what more do you need to know?

wish i still had a copy

Phil said...

Was I the only person who didn't have a zine?!

Shit. I lose so many cool points.

Anna said...

Yeah...but, you have a blog now. That counts for something!

Noel said...

You probably shouldn't mention whatever you find though...

http://www.shmittenkitten.com/2009/12/phrases-wed-like-to-stab-in-face-so-i.html

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