February 21, 2010

Story Time: Your Worst Date In Six Words

Six from Blossom. Get it?
You know how they have that thing where you have to tell a complete story in six words? We thought it'd be funny if we told a story about our worst dates in six words. Here, let us start:
Short in height, mean to waiter.
Fought about politics. The entire time.
Lived at home with his parents.
Was so nervous he got drunk.
Loved his iPhone more than me.
Wow! His ex-girlfriend sounds super bitchy.
Square-toed black shoes, unbelievably sweaty dancer.
And, those were all different dudes! What are yours? Leave 'em in the comments.

187 comments:

Amanda Nan said...

Barrel chested, lewd, poker cards shirt.

Erich said...

New sweater. Gay friend. Sangria vomit.

Anna said...

HAHA, Amanda!

Patrick said...

Borderline personality, gluten-free... But boring.

Anonymous said...

Carried a gun. In his pants.

Michelle Provencher said...

Made inappropriate advances over and over.

Anonymous said...

Looks = Lenin. Canceled from psych ward.

Anonymous said...

Touched my feet against my will.

Jessica said...

Suggest Hard Rock Cafe for drinks.

Anna said...

Always made me go to Denny's.

Anonymous said...

shitty stick shift driver. sore neck.

Anonymous said...

Wouldn't give real name. "Too notable".

Emily said...

Under car: neons, flashed with music.

Meg said...

Wouldn't make eye contact. Smelled weird.

Mal said...

Made me sit in the backseat.

Erin said...

Blinked one eye at a time.

Anonymous said...

Went to Venice. Brought me keychain.

LG said...

belly button piercing. belly button piercing....

Anna said...

Mopped up beer with his sock (thanks for reminding me, Courtney!)

Anonymous said...

He did a pee pee dance.

Jill said...

Non-drinker. Paid for his Coke only.

Jessica said...

Light washed jeans, leather braided belt.

Taylor said...

Did you come yet? No? Jesus!

Anonymous said...

Made me pay for every meal.

Anonymous said...

catholic: said i'd go to hell.

jeff said...

Dad called, she handed me phone.

Anonymous said...

two drink minimum. he ordered o'doules

Anonymous said...

porn addict obsessed with shaved girls.

citygalwrites said...

Drove me home. Leather, heated seats.

Fucked up teeth. Online pictures lied.

Anonymous said...

talked about marriage and having kids

Joyce Marie said...

Stinky The Tornado Kisser farted lots

D.J. Allie Slice said...

You forgot to mention you're married.

G+G said...

Oh wait, you like boys too?

Anonymous said...

left me alone in a thunderstorm.

pattypunker said...

the pig ate all my oreos.

Anonymous said...

That's a lot of yellow there.

Eric E. said...

"He's noticed me; you can leave."

tomg said...

Answered a call from her fiance.

Jon K said...

The fish still had it's head

Jon K said...

or:

Passed out drunk before dinner arrived.

ohdesy said...

Plastered when I picked him up.

or

He didn't *look* twice my age . . .

Anonymous said...

Exited bathroom naked, started discussing anal.

Anonymous said...

Asked for my friend's phone number

Anonymous said...

Called me 12x the next day

trishylicious said...

Talked about "chicks with acoustic guitars"

Anna said...

Really just wanted my friend's number.

trishylicious said...

He invited. Coffee. Didn't buy ($1.25!).

trishylicious said...

Viciously attacked all his "psycho exes".

Jaime said...

He had no teeth at all.

Jaime said...

Brought friend. Flirted with other girls.

Eric E. said...

"Officer, I'm the one who called."

Eric E. said...

"I discussed you with my pastor."

Amber said...

Used me for free products

Annie said...

Went for coffee. Needed a shot.

or

Dinner: Forgot Wallet. After: Bought Album.

or

Talked about Ex. The Whole time.

Anonymous said...

Hey wants wrong with liking boys too, this is 2010!

miss bee said...

didn't like ANYTHING on drink menu.

Anonymous said...

Just want "physical intimacy"? Say "fuckbuddy."

or

Threatened "steamroller." 200 lb difference. Run!

Laura said...

Ed Hardy, danced like male stripper

harrison said...

Stutter from ecstasy hangover; girlfriend called.

Dana said...

Only had five bucks on him.

Jilly B said...

Threw up in cab. 3 beers.

or


Bought two other girls drinks.

Michelle said...

Wiccan. Tarot Cards. "Let" me pay.

Katie said...

Dirty shoes on my coffee table.

Robyn said...

A virgin who I accidentally married.

Phu said...

Date? Oh right, you totally flaked.


Was just looking for a wife.


Anarchists don't really like government employees.


Are you gonna talk about feelings?

Mizzchelle said...

He invited along his ex girlfriend.

Jen K said...

Took me to the university cafeteria.

Anonymous said...

Waitress smiled pleasantly; date threw fit.

Drank one beer; scary personality change.

Story: "Attacked 6'6" ex-husband, did time. "

Tried to steal my climbing gear.

Made me want witness protection program.

(all the same girl, and date, btw)

FaceMeltingDesigns said...

She wanted to eat at Applebee's.

Melissa Brown said...

hid me when suicidial exgirlfriend arrived

Anonymous said...

"No, Miley Cyrus is HOT"

Anonymous said...

Sex as a pre-requisite to dating.

Anonymous said...

Lived with his parents. Adderall addict.

Anonymous said...

Yin yang necklace. Serious about it.

Karen said...

First date: invited me to mom's.

Anna said...

Kicked me out in a blizzard.

Anonymous said...

Blind date. Big Mole. Kohl's cartboy.

Anonymous said...

Burped in middle of kissing. Gross.

juliahays said...

Only spoke to order his coffee.

Anonymous said...

He ate pot brownies. I didn't.

sarah g. said...

"i only fuck to nick cave."

Lisatella said...

11 years older, lived with ex

Anonymous said...

Mashed up teeth. Asked for kiss.

Allie said...

Ex called: "Let's just be friends."

or

Three months, dumped via silent treatment.

Colin said...

After hookup, accused of check fraud

Anonymous said...

Made fun of pastels. Wearing babyblue.

Anonymous said...

Nearly shot by brother with crossbow.

Anonymous said...

Dumped me.Valentine's Day. Before dinner

Anonymous said...

Admitted he fantasized about his mom.

Anonymous said...

Mouth breather heard from across table.

Anonymous said...

Never alone. Drank Malibu. Horse laugh.

Anonymous said...

Asked me to wash his shoes.

Anonymous said...

Birthday dumped. Cancelled reservations they made.

Anonymous said...

Spilled full pint. On my lap.

Helen said...

Working- couldn't answer, therefore a bitch

Anonymous said...

It was a long date:
I
Drank 3 bottles of wine solo.

II
Confessed undying love for his ex

III
Out to dinner, pooped his pants

polianarchy said...

Six words about six different guys:

1) Faked migraine in order to leave.

2) Bragged about oral abilities on first date.

3) Asked for marriage on second date.

4) Unable to look me in the eye.

5) Lectured about weight loss before sex.

6) Lived with his mother in New Jersey.

Anonymous said...

He smelled like a dog's asshole.

tanukichu said...

Answered his phone, was another girl.

"I don't think reading's important babe."

"I honestly really like Star Wars Episode One"

Made unsettling remarks about my boobs.

*Now that I think about it, this was all the same dude. Womp wommmmmp.

tanukichu said...

Whoops, I meant to say "I like Star Wars Episode One" for the second one.

Anonymous said...

Oh, you are ACTUALLY a Nazi.

Tender Branson said...

Tattoo on back, another guys name.

Eric E. said...

Discussed her imminent return to Japan.

Maggie said...

the guy peed in my hamper.

Anonymous said...

pinched my cheek. repeatedly, without irony.

Anonymous said...

1)she weeped, "I have no friends!"

2)she kidnapped me twice, same date.

Anonymous said...

He told me he has herpes.

Anonymous said...

I said "stop." He never listened.

Jessica said...

Dumbass tried to get me drunk.

Jessica said...

JDate JDate JDate JDate JDate JDate

Anonymous said...

Visited haunted forest. He was scarier.

aimercat said...

arrived drunk, didn't pay for dinner

hexo said...

Eyebrow piercing appeared recent. It wasn't.

karoshi said...

Fucked first date, became shitty relationship.

Anonymous said...

Flashed gun. Then pitched me Amway.

Anthony said...

Jean skirt to five star restaurant

Anonymous said...

Various Bad Dates:

Texted his friends girlfriend, entire date.

Mentioned how he saw her tits.


------------------------------

Still lives with mom, he's 30.

Got drunk pretended to be gay.

------------------------------

Found out he had a "girlfriend"

Wouldn't look my in the eyes.

Made sexual advances totally uncalled for

--------------------------------

Awkward kiss goodnight, puppy breath.

-------------------------------

Tried to fuck me, first date.

-----------------------------

I could keep going, never ending list.

Rachel said...

Tried to eat Buffalo wings seductively.

Fuck My Dating Life said...

Erectile Dysfunction. Every time. 'Nuff said.

Fuck My Dating Life said...

Heard exes name more than mine.

Anonymous said...

Described feces, in detail, at dinner.

Anonymous said...

Fell off a ski lift. Embarassing.

Anonymous said...

At food court:

See now?! I take you places!

Lightning's Girl said...

Oh man....it scares me how many friends I know have posted now because of just six little words they posted about a bad date. Amazing, but a little sad. My awesome lady friends deserve better. Way better.

Heather. said...

Pool table: His balls, corner pocket.

Eric E. said...

Surprised she hadn't been carrying cheese.

Anonymous said...

puked on my carpet. denied it.

Anonymous said...

got snowed in, wanted him out.

Anonymous said...

Anarchist, Freegan, Squatter, Made me pay.

Anonymous said...

She took off shoes. Foot odor.

bianca said...

made me walk with knee injury

bianca said...

same guy: made me cry on my birthday

Multitudes said...

She was in a gang, seriously.

KristanP said...

Parents proactively removed his bedroom door.

aka

skipping his meds wasn't worth it.

sarah g. said...

a few more winners!

- his religion was "world of warcraft".
- he talked about boning sailor moon.
- he hated the beatles. enough said.

Anonymous said...

Butt play without my prior authorization.

Anonymous said...

four hour brunch - never looking back!

Anonymous said...

That shit's funny. Glad I'm single

Charissa said...

Harvard grad. I cried in whiskey.

He loves me. I love another.

Not true love. A true fuck.

Swordfish. Jamie Lidell. A terrified friend.

So nice to meet your girlfriend.

Anonymous said...

Smoked pot together, got way paranoid.

Anonymous said...

Alpha dog mom, cord still attached.

Anonymous said...

barbeque sauce, stuffed animal in pockets.

Anonymous said...

said tomatoes toxic, ketchup on vegburger

Anonymous said...

Barely spoke English, made me pay.

Anonymous said...

Asked to be "boyfriend" 1st date.

kate said...

insisted on tarot card reading first

Eric E. said...

Started at her amateur dance recital.

Anonymous said...

A.) Ordered "mozz" sticks, I hate cheese!

B.) Picked him up in the ghetto.

C.) Had a black tooth, smiled frequently.

...A and C were the same person...scary.

Anonymous said...

passed out while riding his bike.

carolyn said...

is taking anger management classes. republican.

Alex said...

All different dudes/ladies:

My name's Alex, not "Sweetheart."

Took me to Olive Garden, sincerely.

Her sorority formal. I threw up.

justin said...

Talked about herself, then fell asleep.

Anonymous said...

Used N'Sync to "pump himself up"

Anonymous said...

wouldnt touch him, so touched himself

Anonymous said...

Don't worry. The needles were clean.

Anonymous said...

Don't worry. The needles were clean.

Anonymous said...

1. Quilted jean vest with leather tassels.
2. Tried to sniff my pants. Caught.
3. Suddenly whipped it out. First date.
4a. Boat broke down middle of river.
4b. Cover ex-wifes name tattoo with unicorn.
4c. Got pulled over by coast guard.
5. Had a RUSH tattoo. On purpose.
6. Woke. "You're out of toilet paper"
7. His laugh sounded just like Mutley.
7a. Showed up in inside out sweatpants.
7b. 25 my ass! More like 45.

Anonymous said...

I think you forgot a few:

1b. Generic cheesepuffs, 3 liter Mountain Splash.
1c. Sent obscene photo to future husband.
8. Email subject 'My Toe Hurts.' Dumped.

Anonymous said...

I guess I did forget a few! Ha ha, we should write a book!

Anonymous said...

1a. Forced me to wear his jacket.

1b. Weird underground art show. Fire dancers.

2a. Shower curtains: clear plastic, cartoon steaks.

2b. Me: 18. Him: 28. He lied.

2c. He lived in a trailer park.

3a. Made me meet his other fuckbuddies.

3b. Loudest orgasm ever. Screamed my name.

Anonymous said...

3c. Stole jelly packets from the diner.

3d. Also stole the maple syrup bottle.

3e. Chain smoked wide Camel menthol cigarettes.

3f. One-sleeved shirt: "Kiss me, I'm Romanian."

Anonymous said...

Talked about prettier girls he'd fucked.

clio said...

Straight edge young republican had braces.

Anonymous said...

took me on a drug deal.

Anna said...

OMG, that happened to me too! I totally forgot all about it because it was YEARS ago. TOO FUNNY!

evababy105 said...

his tattoos: jersey state, "trashy slut"

"wanna get 40's and watch a movie"

Jess@citygirlsworld.com said...

Discovered we were related.

Anonymous said...

ran out of our moving taxi

- Suzy

Leslie said...

1. Sex before dinner? I think not.

2. Confessed sexual desire for blood, gore.

3.a. Attempted first kiss waiting for Subway.

3.b. Saw Miami Vice, better than conversation.

4. Career Choice: Shop Rite Night Manager

Anonymous said...

My mom has the same underwear.

Anonymous said...

Matthew, will you be my boyfriend? (First make out session)

Anonymous said...

Third date,third D.U.I.

Anonymous said...

My birthday. His ex(?)'s birthday party.

Anonymous said...

Left me @ [his] parents. Went to stripclub.

Scott said...

nothing in common, car got towed

Anonymous said...

She farted. Loud. Just before intermission.

Anonymous said...

Bible hugging freak. Really big dong.

Adrien said...

"Apologized profusely for sweating so much." (Quote from a friend)

Anonymous said...

Had cried when Michael Jackson died.

Anonymous said...

Raped my face. Still have flashbacks.

Anonymous said...

I was your first kiss? Oh.

Killian said...

Saw "Speed Racer," contemplated faking seizure.

Andyboy said...

I'm hungover, she's deaf. Literally. Deaf.

Anonymous said...

First date...
Do you like anal?
Don't even need to use all five words!

Franziska said...

1) Forced me to explain subprime crisis.

2) Fingers smelled like teeth & vice versa.

3) Communist atheist saying "JEEEESUS" during blowjob.

(all different dates...)

Anonymous said...

Boner on the beach, families everywhere.

Anonymous said...

1) married racist overweight broke ass

2) arrested for starting a bar brawl (and he STILL wanted to finish the date after he got bailed out)

3) surprise visit from his extended family (they mistook me as his fiance who he broke up with the week before)

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