The second time we came over to your house, we noticed the Netflix envelope on the coffee table. It was looking pretty rough; the coffee rings and thin layer of dust told us that little guy has been hanging out for a while. "Hmmmm. Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers." Whatever.
Flash forward to date number four. The same DVD is still on the coffee table in the exact place we saw it last. There are two more dusty discs on top of the DVD player. One is a random disc from the second season of Lost and the other is a pilates workout DVD. "Since when have you taken up pilates?" we asked.
"Oh, I got that out for, uh, my last girlfriend. I really should return those."
"Yeah, you really should," we agree, with a hint of sarcasm in our voice.
Guys who don't return their Netflix DVDs in a timely manner get on our nerves. Do you want us to pop 'em in the mailbox for you? Should we do your laundry while we're at it? Maybe chop up the food on your plate too? Get it together, man! We're the ones that lose out because when we come over to hang out you never have any good movies to watch.
If we suggest we watch something off Netflix on Demand to tide us over, we enter the barren, neglected land known as his Netflix ratings. You haven't rated a thing! They're suggesting 101 Dalmations and The Pink Panther 2 as movies you'll love. No ratings? There are algorithms that could expertly suggest quality movies that you are choosing to not employ. It's crazy! And, your queue looks like shit. There's four movies in there and half of them star Jean Claude Van Damme.
Why don't you just take your money, ball it up into a wad, and chuck it out the window. Netflix means nothing to you. You don't deserve those expert algorithms. You don't deserve them.