March 29, 2010

Bonerkiller: Chapped Lips

Well, this is horrible. It's drier than a lizard's taint on your pucker. I'm not sure if you were making out with sandpaper before you picked me up or if you use your lips to scrub your pots and pans or you're doing some kind of extreme sport where you're exposed to dangerous elements, but your lips are disgusting. Your lips basically have dandruff.

This is a problem for me. Obviously, there's no way I'm gonna kiss you. Hell, there's no way that I even want to talk to you. I have a strict no-chapped-lip rule in all facets of my life: Get the memo!

If this date had an eject button, I'd push it. It's not like you need to find plutonium to get you back to 1985, you just need to NOT look like you've been playing tongue hockey with gravel for the past four hours. Chapstick is available pretty much everywhere so there's no excuse for this. I...I...can't even look at you. Check, please!


Anonymous said...

You're so right - chapped lips are a complete turn-off. I hate men who think using chapstick is girly. At least our lips aren't flaky!

Anonymous said...

Gross...serious health problems with non-intact lip skin...burnt with a crack pipe.dehydrated from days of drinking...hmmm so if ya can't can't take care of the largest organ I see(your skin) what can I imgine is going on wit the other more elusive organs...surprize surprize
So glad I married and done with the husban/father interviews

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