March 1, 2010

Phrases We'd Like To Stab In The Face: "I'm Around!"

"We should totally hang out sometime."
"Cool. I'd like that," I smiled.
"Well, I'm around. You know. Like, around." Nervous laughter. "So, yeah. We'll talk soon!"

Um, do you wanna hang out? No, wait. You don't. I think. Or maybe you do? Maybe you don't. I'm perplexed!

When a guy tells me that he's "around," I assume it means that he doesn't want to hang out. It seems like a squirelly, non-committed reply, right? He came over to hug me. We chatted for at least half of a beer. He brought up the part about us hanging out so why would he end on that nebulous note?

Where is this mythical place of "around"? Is it on the Internet, tucked away on a chat list? Is it in line at CVS when I'm buying deeply discounted Valentine's day candy? Is it on the bar stool next to me when I'm out with another guy on a date? These seem to be the only times when I run into you and they aren't the same thing as scorin' some solo time. 

I can't believe I'm spending this much energy trying to decipher your signals. Fuck it.

*pounds the rest of the beer, slams pint glass on the bar, then wipes mouth with the back of my sleeve*


Unknown said...

ROFL! Great post!

Anonymous said...

"I can't believe I'm spending this much energy trying to decipher your signals. Fuck it."

That's such a positive response! How about stop being a passive, whiney girl, and call him? Guys have to be the one to initiate every time?

Anna said...

I'm not a passive, whiney [sic] girl! I'm trying to find the humor in an annoying situation.

And, for your information, I did take the initiative to text him about hanging out and he hasn't written back yet. So, it's just one of those things, you know? Ho hum. said...

"Is it in line at CVS when I'm buying deeply discounted Valentine's day candy?"

HA!!! So funny.

Anna, I was thinking that it was just him being shy since HE brought up the idea of hanging out. And then maybe he back pedaled when you didn't jump for joy.

But since you said you texted him since then and got nothing, well, I'm back to men being a big ole mystery.


Anonymous said...

This is when I wait for the guy to contact me. Maybe I'll be "around" if he calls.

Anonymous said...

Ha. I actually wrote a guy off for this EXACT reason (same guy maybe?). So, being infuriated, I quit responding to his texts. Fast forward to six months later, me at his house (thank you well vodka and the hesitation to delete certain numbers from my phone) Me: What the fuck does that mean, "I'm around?" You don't say that to a girl! Him: Look, I'm not going to call a girl. You know where to find me. Me: What, I'm going to just like come and knock on your door? Him: Yeah, totally! You can come hang out whenever...except maybe on Tuesdays, cause sometimes I go to my mom's.

??? won't call me to hang out...but I'm welcome to show up on your doorstep whenever? Dood.

Anonymous said...

My mom once said "all men are assholes, it's just a matter of degree". Sadly, with the luck I have...I am beginning to agree. haha I'm sure women are assholes sometimes too and I can admit when I'm being one but with most of these guys I'm not. How come the sweaty girl with the mustache from highschool (who is still sweaty with a mustache) can meet someone and I'm alone? hahaha Waaah.

Lora said...

YES little britain!! I feel like making that Vicky face everytime a guy says the "i'm around" phrase!

BradyDale said...

He's saying you should call him. Which maybe you don't think a girl should have to do, but that's what it means. There's a variety of reasons why you might want the girl to make that move. Maybe he's not clear if it's a friend thing? Maybe he suspects you're flaky? Maybe he believes you've already rejected him or flaked on him or cold-shouldered him a couple times so it's time for you to fish or cut bait?

Speaking for myself, I don't think I've ever said "I'm around" but I've done the equivalent. It's been with women who I just needed to show a little effort. If they did, I would've taken it forward. They didn't, tho, because women don't think "that's their job," so whatever. I lived, but sometimes there's a reason why you need the girl to take some responsibility for the next step.

I guess I'm just saying that sometimes it's a non-committal, wuss-answer, and sometimes he's got a reason for wanting you to call. So maybe if that's what he's saying the answer lies not in interpreting him but in interpreting you.

Justin Howe said...

The post before this one was "Bonerkiller: he's way too eager." Classic. Don't be too eager, but don't be too casual. From now on, maybe women should just tell the guy how they want him to act and what personality to adopt.

Anna said...

Justin, first of all, that's my favorite name for a guy. Generally speaking, all Justins are cute guys.

Secondly, I'm sure that there is an appropriate middle ground between doing nothing and straight-up harassment. I mean, COME ON!

Justin Howe said...

Indeed it's a cute name, and indeed I'm extraordinarily cute.

Take it from a guy who says things like "I'll be around" that, for me, it's generally not dismissive or ambivalent.. to me, it's a casual phrase that doesn't say, "Please call me before you go to bed tonight!" Rather, "I do have a life, but I figure I'll be able to answer your call."

Think of "around" in this context as meaning "available to take a text or phone call."

Anna said...

Hmmmm. You've given me a lot to think about, Justin. You're like a boy whisperer! You're the Caesar Chavez of dudes! I need you around, clearly.

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