March 5, 2010

Real Talk: I'm Disappointed That You Don't Drunk Text Me More Often

What, no flurry of texts at last call pouring your heart out to me? No grotesquely spelled love confessions that look like you typed it out with your knuckles, blindfolded in the back of a tractor? WHAT GIVES? Am I not drunk text worthy? Aren't I in your thoughts circa 2:07am?

Honestly, I'd appreciate it if you drunk texted me more. I'd like to wake up to your slurred emotions. In fact, to paraphrase Folgers, the best part of waking up is a sweet drunk text from the dude you like. 

But, I gotta say, you and your responsible lifestyle are getting in the way here. You are depriving me of this pleasure! Stop holding your cards so close to your chest: slam some tequila shots with your homies and let those emotions fly (right into my inbox). Text yourself before you wreck yourself. Or, rather, text me while you're wrecked. Don't worry, I'll think it's cute.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think you might be coming down with a case of be-careful-what-you-wish-for. And if not, um, please post your phone number cause damn I think you're a cutie and I'd love to drunk text you any night. Ok I realize you can't do this, probably for the best.

Anonymous said...

So good to know. Best thing I've heard all week. Ladies be hearing from me this weekend.

Anonymous said...

If he's no longer drunk texting you it's b/c he's drunk texting or ___ing someone else....

Anna said...

Nah. Some guys just aren't drunk texters. It's not in their blood.

Gabrielle Bonghi said...

hahaha not only is this amazing but SO true. I live for a nice morning awoken with a drunk text.

Anonymous said...

This is indeed good to know! I've done this recently. Went out with an acquaintance / maybe more a couple weeks ago. Met her at 7pm for drinks. Thought we'd hang for a couple hours and split. Ended up walking her home at 12:30am. Hug goodnight, not sure where we stand yet. But we were both hella drunk.

I get home and she's already texted me saying she wants to get together again. Good sign, right? So I write something I think is really charming, and sweet, and a little bit dirty (depending on how you read it). "Did he just say that???"

My finger lingers above the "Send" button. The angel on one shoulder tells me, "You're out of your mind to send that. This is not a good decision." The devil on the other shoulder says, "Send it! You know you're going to do it anyway."

So I send it...

My blood pressure goes through the roof because I might have just blown it with this girl forever. But on the other hand I don't care because she drives me crazy, and she's not into it... I need to know now. I like this girl a LOT!!!

I set the phone down, pretend like I've got better things to be doing, and I really should be going to bed soon because I actually DO have to work tomorrow morning. Tick tock tick tock...

Ten minutes later she's right there on the texting and that shit went on for another two hours. It was ridiculously fun. And we're not college kids either. I'm 42, divorced, with two kids (my ex had the kids that night, BTW), and she's 38, single and no kids. She also knows full well my status about that stuff. No point pretending otherwise.

So we drunk-texted each other like teenagers for hours and it was the FUNNEST THING EVER!!!

I'm not sure where this is going yet, but if she drunk-texts me tonight... I'll be very happy. People tend to say the things they really mean when they're in that situation. The guard is all the way down and the heart is controlling the conversation.

It is to wonder.

Steve

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