|Now THAT'S a cool penguin|
Listen up, you little fuckhead: I've been so low-key about our budding romance that I haven't even told my own fucking mother about it. She doesn't know that you fucking exist! I've only told two friends about you and I just mentioned you all casual and shit: "Oh, I've been hanging out with this new dude. He's rad." THAT'S IT! THAT'S ALL I'VE TOLD THEM BECAUSE I'M NOT MAKING A BIG FUCKING DEAL OUT OF DATING YOU.
I haven't even pictured what it'd be like if we got married or what we'd name our fucking kids. I've only Googled your name once and I just read the first two matches; THAT'S HOW FUCKING LAID BACK I'VE BEEN, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!
I only think about you roughly once every four hours and I didn't freak out that one time that you didn't call me when you said that you fucking would. I figured you were just busy at work or some shit, so I shrugged and didn't fucking bring it up the next time we fucking talked. I'M KEEPING AS COOL AS A PENGUIN'S NUTSACK WHEN IT USES A BLOCK OF ICE AS A SIT 'N' SPIN AND YOU DON'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT!