June 17, 2010

Quick Rant: Please Don't Ruin This Otherwise Smooth Financial Transaction By Hitting On Me

Hey, how YOU doin'?
For the past few months, I've enjoyed a friendly relationship with the coffee shop employee by my house. He looks like a shaggy version of Aladdin: thick black hair, beard stubble and big brown eyes. I really have no clue how old he is. Maybe he's in his mid-20s, if I had to guess. But, it wouldn't surprise me to learn that he has a kid that's a teenager. Who knows.

We have this thing where he says, "How are you?" Then I reply, "Great! How are you?" He counters with, "Good. How are you?" My smile evaporates then I say, slightly concerned, "We've already covered this, right?"

I swear, that happens every time I see him. He asks me how I'm doing TWICE. I can't tell if he's kidding or if he just loses track of our conversation easily. And, he's a low-talking mumbler so I can barely hear what else he says after our initial hellos. I just nod and smile at whatever he goes on about. I wait until he stops talking then say, "Have a great day!"

Well, yesterday he RUINED our schtick by deviating from the script and asking if I had a boyfriend. I wasn't sure what to say. I pretended I didn't hear him. So, he asked again. "Do you have a boyfriend?" (He must have a PhD in asking shit more than once.)

In a strange twist, I became the mumbler! I mumbled something about, "Who knows what I do?" Then I nervously laughed. It was a total non-answer to his very pointed question. I scooped up my coffee cup and told him to have a nice day.

Frankly, I wasn't interested in taking our customer/ coffee pourer relationship any further. I couldn't imagine going on a date with him. He'd just ask me how I was a dozen times then he'd mumble and then I'd nod, agreeing to God knows what. Maybe I'd agree that PCs are better than Macs. Maybe I'd agree to cancel my Netflix and start renting movies at Blockbuster. Maybe I'd accept a marriage proposal unwittingly! Who knows?

I liked how things were; I liked chatting with him for up to two minutes on a semi-weekly basis. That was our thing. UGH! Why'd he have to ruin it by putting me on the spot and asking about my personal life? I probably sound bitchy, but you girls out there can relate, right?

27 comments:

Eliza Blu said...

I heard that.

Elizabeth said...

Totally! The UPS guy who delivers packages to my office once asked me if I wanted to do some MODELING for his "friend". Bleeeeeh. Now I just hide from him!

Vanessa said...

Here here!

Will you continue to go to that coffee shop? I always feel so awkward going back to a place that I frequently go, after something a little "bizarre" happens.

Plus...who works at the front of any store/shop & mumbles?? I thought speaking clearly was in the job description :(

Anna said...

Well, he definitely a foreigner. He speaks in really broken English, which adds to my confusion. But, in his defense, I get confused easily.

Anonymous said...

You're very entitled. You tell a guy that you like metal, and you're convinced he's stupid for not realising that he's "won the lotto" and you belittle him on the blog for not hitting on you.

Then you belittle this coffee guy not because he didn't hit on you, but because he actually did summon up the guts to show some interest.

No one is denying that you're pretty and intelligent. If you're ever wondering why women who are less pretty and less intelligent are with better guys, just think about it a little more...

Anna said...

I hate to break this to you, but I can have totally different feelings about two different people in two totally different situations. Shocking, I know.

I'm not belittling the coffee shop guy AT ALL! I like him! I like our interactions together, but it makes it awkward when he hits on me. We aren't in a nightclub or at a party; I'm just trying to get my coffee and go about my day. I think it's rad that he hit on me, but the truth is that now it makes me feel a certain type of way. I'll get over it. I'm not scarred for life or anything. But, yeah, it happened.

And, sometimes I write about things that I see happening to my friends. The metal thing happens to my best friend all the time, so I wrote that one from her perspective. I mushed it all up--my feelings, my friends feelings--and I wrote an entertaining post about it for people to read. I addressed that in my "about" section, if you care to read it.

I'm not entitled, I'm just honest about what it's like when me or my friends interact with different guys.

Anna said...

AND say we did go out and it wasn't a good time, what then? I'd have to inconvenience myself by avoiding him for at least a little while. I don't want to avoid my coffee shop in the future; I like it there. You get my drift?

Anna said...

One more thing, and you seem like a smart person so I'm sure you'll understand, but the power dynamic is TOTALLY different between a guy you meet randomly at a party and a guy you interact with on a semi-daily basis.

And, that's kind of weird that you picked the heavy metal post as an example because in that scenario, I argued that a guy should be pumped that we had the same esoteric interests. In the coffee shop post, I explained that we had trouble communicating on a basic level and we didn't seem to have any interests in common. It's strange that you compared the two and used it to accuse me of being inconsistent. What's up with that?

Blue Light J said...

The photo for this post should have been the Seinfeld puffy shirt.

Anonymous said...

hold up yo. a "shaggy version of aladdin" sounds really hot. aaand im a tall brunette so maybe i could scoop him up since youre not interested.
what coffee shop does he work at?!?!?! imma go hit on him/stalk him.
oh jeez.

Jill said...

The pic for this post should've been Gunther!

Scott said...

That's pretty unprofessional, not to mention short sighted.
Customers/clients can hit on the workers, workers can't hit on the customers/clients.

It's getting to the point that you can't even expect a basic level of professionalism from minimum wager workers anymore...

Julia H. said...

This has happened to me multiple times at gas stations and convenience stores. It's usually awkward and leaves me feeling uncomfortable rather than flattered.

Julia H. said...

This has happened to me multiple times at gas stations and convenience stores. It's usually awkward and leaves me feeling uncomfortable, not flattered.

Katie D. said...

I totally get this. It's hard for me to find new places I like and once I find one it becomes a part of my routine. If someone that works there hits on me I feel weird going back and then I'm always walking by like "is he in there??!!" before I go in. Awkwardness that was totally unnecessary.

K said...

being hit on, as a waitress, before they settle the bill. HOLY CRAP is that awkward. All I can think about is how this is going to affect my tip.

Anonymouse said...

Uhhh... what's the big deal? I know you write these posts in a jokey/offhand manner but composing some wholly personal framework of minutae and then complaining when someone doesn't follow it to the letter is just weird.

One hundred normal transactions and one awkward one, no big deal. The next time you go in you'll prolly have the same mumble hi how are you's, same coffee, same hello, same goodbye. You left the one awkward conversation with commendable grace, it's behind you, if you don't escalate, he probably won't either. Does something that small really have such a big impact on you?

Plus, you mentioned he's a foreigner and (speaking as a foreigner with lots of foreign friends) asking if you have a boyfriend is more likely just "playful banter" than "serious propositioning", I'm guessing.

No hate, keep up the good work, but this is one post I don't get.

emmaleeradley said...

I just want to comment and say that this sucks and is the reason I can't go back to the mickey dee's or BK near my work. The same two dudes ask me for my number and if i have a boyfriend, every single morning. The first time was awkward, yes, but it didnt stop me from coming back, but then when your trying to tell me "my boyfriend will never find out" that makes me pretty uncomfortable, I just want my breakfast :(

maybe if they threw in a mcgriddle on the house or something...

Elizabeth said...

Dudes: You clearly don't get how uncomfortable this situation gets for the ladies, which is understandable. You aren't a lady. But, I think Anna's reasoning is pretty clear. She was already having pretty awkward conversations with this coffee shop dude, but they were harmless. Now there's this black cloud hanging over all of their future interactions. It's fine of you don't get it, but there's no need to rant! :D

Anonymous said...

hahahaha i totally had this exact experience at the grocery store the other day... with a line of people behind me! UGH... now its too awkward to shop there.

Anonymous said...

UN-PRO-FESSIONAL !

Anna said...

I also had a guy who worked at the Target near my house hit on me and asked me directly if I had a boyfriend AND asked for my number. I gave him a my number because I can't lie (I'm terrible at it!) and I ignored his calls because I'm a freak-a-leek. Now I have to pray to god that I don't run into him every time I go to Target.

I'm sure guys will never understand how much unwanted attention can suck sometimes, but it does. (Call the wahmbulance!)

Anonymous said...

I think part of it is the guy factor. Any time I've heard a man complaining about being hit on by a man, (taxi driver, store clerk) -- it's like they're traumatized FOR LIFE. Will never go back to that corner/store/whatever. It's like they were on the verge of being raped when some fella told them they had nice eyes. Now, guys might say it's different if you get an unwanted gender coming on to you, but I think it is just awkward when someone you thought you were having a civil or professional interaction with tries to suggest a future intimacy with you.

qwityerbitchin said...

Being a girl who works in a typically male environment with typically male customers, I get hit on almost every day. At least when you're in their territory you can make a run for it! At work I'm stuck and it's horrible and awkward every single time.

Anonymous said...

this afternoon, 20th and Washington ave. Car beeps, slows down. man (alone) hangs out window, "hey sexy!" I continue walking. He continues, "you got a man, sexy, look at that fine ass!" I continue walking, ignore him. Man continues, "You fucking bitch!" Drives off. WTF?!

no f'ing joke, but last night, i was at a bar, where a guy i know only from the bar is always there, drunk and wild and comes with his girlfriend. He is ALWAYS running over to talk to me, and this makes me feel weird b/c he never introduces me to his girlfriend or anything, so i am sort of polite, and whatnot and slowly back away to where my girlfriends are sitting. Sometimes he'll drag me to the dance floor and try to dance with me, while his girlfriend is sitting. Totally inappropriate! I feel like the other woman and i haven't done anything. i have zero interest in him, he wears tevas, khakis, sweats a lot, and has what can only be described as a bouffant hairstyle.

Anyway, last night, he comes up to me and says, "there is something i have been meaning to ask you for a while." and instantly the dread and disaster creeps in. He's going to tell me he likes me, and now i can never again come to this bar and enjoy myself!!!! i will always feel uncomfortable and strange. sigh. So, he of course, asks me out. I panic, and tell him that I am seeing someone who lives far away (not true), i feel guilty about rejecting him right there. Later he comes up to me as i am sitting with my friends, and asks if he makes me uncomfortable. My night is ruined!!! then later, he comes forward AGAIN and says he wishes me the best of luck with my boyfriend (ummm thanks?).

oh and, the girlfriend was there the whole night. i heard that they are actually engaged to each other. again, WTF?

MRR said...

"I'm not belittling the coffee shop guy AT ALL!"

"I'm sure guys will never understand how much unwanted attention can suck sometimes, but it does. (Call the wahmbulance!)"

It's all well and good that perhaps being hit on makes you feel awkward in that situation, but you ARE belittling the coffee shop guy in that you can't bring yourself to give him (or, apparently, any of the other guys who hit on you) an honest answer. "Sorry, I'm not interested" is all it takes to quell that unwanted attention for good, but by giving non-answers and beating around the bush you're just trying to make men GUESS at what you want. Guess what? Men have a tendency to be optimistic when it comes to these things, and by being ambiguous you're just feeding your own problems AND leaving these men in a state of confusion. Learn to be direct and honest with men that you're not interested in for both your sake and theirs.

Anna said...

How about a guy shouldn't hit on the customers because it's unprofessional? Putting me in a position to turn him down when I go there ALL THE TIME sucks for me.

If it was a guy I'd just see around town at parties and stuff, then sure I'd agree with you. But since it's not the case here, I'd prefer to be ambiguous because I felt uncomfortable telling him anything about my personal life. I didn't even want him knowing my name. I just liked it when he'd smile at me once every week or two. Is that so terrible?

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