June 16, 2010

Things I'm Terrible At: Hovering

I'm leaning against the wall, swizzling the straw around my drink, and trying not to make it super-obvious that I wanna talk to this guy. Here is my internal dialogue:
"Should I say hi? He seems busy. Wait, he's talking to someone. Oh God, I must look like a creep-a-leep just hovering around here.

*sips drink*

"We just made eye contact! Should I wait for him to come over? Maybe I should approach him? Fuck it. This is it. I'm just gonna walk up and say hi."

*stands up, straightens dress, and walks towards him*

"Oh shit. Now he's talking to some other girl. This is the worst. That's it; I'm leaving."
Frankly, I'm terrible at hovering. I would rather shake hands with a poisonous snake than hover around a guy I wanna talk to. Besides, there's no way to look good when you're calculating a window of opportunity to initiate conversation. I look anxious, like a teenybopper in line at a Jonas Brothers meet and greet or Janeane Garofalo awaiting her STD test results in Reality Bites.

I'd rather cut my losses than buzz around a dude like a chatty gnat. Fuck that shit forever.


Elizabeth said...

This situation just makes me nervous! Like, shaky knees and everything.

Also: I haven't watched Reality Bites in years, and I own that movie! Shameful!

Bad Sneakers said...

I hope to always and forever be a creep-a-leep

anonymouse said...

This is super interesting, how does one hover successfully?

I can't even interject myself in to a conversation between two friends, so doing it with complete strangers is a terrifying mystery, like the CHUD monster.

Jaime said...

My friends and I were at a bar and when we saw 2 guys sitting at a table behind us. The 1 facing us was definitely cute but we could only see the profile of his friend. They wanted to see what he looked like, so I threw a pen at his back. It started a funny conversation and I'm now dating 1 of them. Good times.

Anna said...

That is not hovering. That is being flirty and playful. I'm glad it worked out for you!

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