June 20, 2010

Things In His House That Make Me Sad: His Shower Curtain

This shower curtain in his bathroom is probably one of the most gruesome things in his house. It looks like a crime scene: It's stained, torn, and somehow rusted. HOW DOES PLASTIC RUST? The metal hooks on top of it are all scraggly, like old cavities. What did he do to it?

There isn't a liner, just a thick plastic sheet that looks like it's been in his house since the Nixon administration. It used to be white but now it's a yellowish-brown shade that could described as "heavy smoker's teeth."

Shower curtains are, like, a dollar. Can't he just grab a new one? Should I get one for him? Would that be weird? Are we even in that stage where I can buy him stuff like shower curtains for his house? I don't want to touch the thing because it's slimy and it smells like moldy armpits. I have no idea what kind of toxic stew is growing on it.

Something about it just looks unsettling. If it applied to be in the army, it'd be rejected for being mentally unfit for service. If this shower curtain took the bus, people wouldn't sit within two rows of it. If it added you as a friend on Facebook, you'd ignore it, block it and hope that it forgot that it added you so it wouldn't ask you about it the next time you ran into it on the street. And, that just makes me sad.


citygal said...

So true! Also, the shower itself leaves something to be desired. Can I get a pair of flip-flops to go with my shower?!

Anonymous said...

A combination of this plus smelly dog constantly nosing my crotch plus bad calf tattoos lead me to break up with a really nice guy, once.

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