July 5, 2010

Bonerkiller: Inappropriate Fancy Dancers

We're gettin' down to "American Girl" at some dirty dance night when suddenly he takes my hand, raises it over my head and twirls me around. I laughed nervously in a What The Fuck Are You Doing kind of way. After two spins, he extended his arm and wound me back towards his chest like a yo-yo.

Then, he put his arm around my waist and tried to dip me. I was wearing a mini-skirt; I wasn't dip-ready! I pulled my hand away to tug at my skirt because I was pretty sure that I was flashing the entire place.

I feel like guys who don't know how to dance pull this Fred Astaire shit out of nowhere. Aside from doing the white-man-overbite, inappropriate fancy dancers are my least favorite dance partners. This is how awkward fifth graders dance at Bar Mitzvahs, not how tipsy adults dance to Tom Petty.

We are not ballroom dancers. I'm not a ballerina in a jewelry box. I'm not a wedding cake topper come to life. Please stop. 

8 comments:

Cline said...

Maybe you just haven't been dipped properly.

Some of us must overcome lack of technique, or, well, rhythm with showmanship.

Don't hate.

Anna said...

NOBODY likes dancing like this at a dance party. We're not at a wedding, we're on a packed dance floor!

Heather said...

Untrue! Fancy dancing is always fun, even on packed dance floors. I love it when a guy breaks the normal routine and starts twirling me around, especially if he throws some closer dancing in there. Perhaps dipping someone in a miniskirt is not the best idea, but fancy dancing is definitely a boxerdropper in my book.

Timothy said...

Requesting photo illustration of the white-man-overbite.

Cline said...

I will grant you that a minimal amount of dance floor acreage is necessary.

And I always give a pre-dip warning. As a result, I've only dropped and concussed 1, maybe 2, women total. And none in approximately 3 years!

And yes, I'm still single. Why do you ask?

Brigitte said...

I definitely beg to differ. I love it when a guy breaks out the fancy twirly spin on me at a totally random moment for two reasons. One, it's a silly couple thing to do, I love those. You're both in on your ridiculous behavior, everyone else rolls their eyes at you, but it's a fun moment for you. Great if it's early in the relationship and you're still bond-forming, great when you're a longer term couple and you just need a moment.

Secondly, and perhaps more importantly: the vast majority of bar/club dancing these days involves little more than being dry humped, oftentimes not even in rhythm with the music (really fellas, when in doubt, just match your hips with mine, or else pick a steady pace and I will match yours, just please don't keep switching it up when the beat to the song has remained exactly the same). To me it's really cute to take a breather from the monotony of that kind of dance and to do something a little more sweet and old fashioned. Even if we are listening to something decidedly more modern.

Lauren said...

Disagree. 'Inappropriate fancy dancing' is the absolute best kind of dancing. Too cute.

snorlax422 said...

Wait, girls DON'T like the white man's overbite? Damn it, that was my best move! Now I have to stick with the 20's cartoon finger waggle.

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