July 16, 2010

Bonerkiller: Smokers

As someone who has dated my fair share of smokers, I can honestly say that I think smoking is one of the worst habits a guy can have, hands down. It's expensive, it's smelly, it's bad for his health: those are just a few of the reasons he should kick smoking to the curb.

But, the most annoying part is that when we go out on a date, he leaves me at the table by myself every half hour to go outside and get his fix. You know why people enjoy cable TV so much? Because there's no commercial breaks! Our date doesn't need the equivalent of a commercial break.

At first, it's not a big deal; I'll dick around, checking my email on my phone. But by the third or fourth time, it starts to become a thing. Sure, he'll invite me to come, but that means I have to take my purse with me, put the coaster over my beer and shuffle outside to stand around and make small talk which is borrrrring.

I've only had fun ONCE going outside while my dude smoked and it was because a guy pulled up in a cool car and I got to talk to him about it. That's the sum total of fun I've ever had standing outside of a bar I'd like to be in so that my date could have a smoke.

The worst is when we go out with my friends who also smoke because then I see everyone outside smoking together as I sit by myself. I'm like Stephen Glansberg, the kid who had to eat dessert all by himself in Superbad.

It also sucks when he leans in to kiss me after he's taken his last drag and he tastes like an ashtray. He'll get annoyed when I turn my head so the kiss lands on my cheek but COME ON, how could he not know that he tastes like dirt? Smokers, knock it off!

9 comments:

jimmy said...

couldn't agree more. that shit is sick.

citygal said...

Smoking is a dealbreaker, even if he does have a car and is willing to take my broke ass on trips to Target.

Anonymous said...

Target? Thats high-class in world of broke.. I'll pick you up in my car and we'll roll into Wally World and people will look at us as high class. (I actually have a decent car, it'd be fun!)

Anonymous said...

The smoker has hurt you. :(

Ichael said...

Smoking is a total bummer, and it is out of hand around here.

Anonymous said...

not as bad as gefilte fish breath.. hint.. hint..

Anna said...

What does THAT mean?

EzraBlum said...

Ok, BUT ... I started because SHE smoked. And it totally made kissing her taste better if I had a little drag or two as well. And then that turned into smoking a couple with beers. And the next thing you know I'm on a pack per two day habit! And even though that girl and I are ancient history. It's kind of tragic and endearing if you think about it. And ftr, I know I stink immediately after and I don't try to kiss you right away. As a matter of fact I always wash my mouth area and hands after a smoke. And if you are ever outside near me while I smoke I will always try to make sure the wind isn't blowing into your direction. But then, I'm thoughtful like that.

Latoya Crayton said...

I smoke but only when I'm bored at home with nothing to do (usually depressed) and just want to relax and take a nap. I smoke 2 cigs with a drink ALONE and thats it. I dont smoke around other ppl and always carry gum, mints and perfume. I know its a stinky habit but its my only outlet and I'm not giving it up. Good luck with guys that have manners and better hygiene.

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