August 3, 2010

Things That Make Me A Bad Boyfriend: I Make Ridiculous Promises About Things I Have No Control Over

"You're not going to get stung by a jellyfish. I promise. I'll protect you."

As soon as the words left my mouth, I knew they were a complete lie. It was just a hunch based on mathematical probability: The ocean is a huge place and there are literally thousands of people up and down the beach. The odds of one of us ACTUALLY getting stung were virtually slim to none.

So, you can imagine how shitty I felt ten minutes later when we're sitting back on the beach and she's staring daggers at me while the bright red rash from the jellyfish sting grew increasingly bigger. Damn you, jellyfish.

Why the hell did I make that promise?

I make outrageous promises all the time; I barely even notice myself doing it. When I was on the phone with a girlfriend late at night and she heard a sound in her apartment that made her nervous, I immediately countered with, "Don't worry. It's nothing, I promise."  What if there was some crazy axe-wielding maniac in her kitchen? Why did I just promise her that she would be fine?

Some more greatest hits from my false-promise past include, "It's not that spicy," "We won't run into my ex at this party," and many more. Believe me, there's quite a few.

On the plus side, at least my promise-breaking scenarios are mostly ridiculous. There's a lot of guys out there for whom breaking promises about serious stuff is second nature. Those guys, unfortunately, are the true bad boyfriends and should be avoided at all costs. Boyfriends like me should be, well, tolerated begrudgingly.While I can promise to be a good dude and treat you like the classy lady that you are, I might also promise that it definitely won't rain this weekend if we go camping. And when it inevitably starts drizzling, you can add it to the long list of things that make me a bad boyfriend.


Travel_Chic said...

It's okay, I still appreciate the 'promises' even if unrealistic. So keep on promisin brother!

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