September 6, 2010

Bonerkiller: His Woefully Immature Sense of Humor

From Andrea, who can appreciate a well-timed dick joke as much as the next girl but doesn't appreciate a constant barrage of them because COME THE FUCK ON, WE'RE ON A DATE, DUDE!
"That's what she said!"
I don't know about you, but I was never a twelve-year-old boy. Because of this, I simply don't get jerkoff humor. Call it a personal idiosyncrasy if you will, but puerile jokes just don't get me in the mood.

His first "joke" was on our first date. I generally consider first dates to be sort of a rough draft, so I let it slide. The rest of the evening was fine. I would even go so far as to say I enjoyed myself. I chalked up his awkward sex joke to a moment of nervousness on his part, right?
When he texted me to go out again, I recommended a snazzy '60s-themed pool-shark joint that used to be a bomb shelter. His response to my excellent taste in venue? "Pool, a game where guys use wood to knock balls into holes. Haha."

Of course, it's too late to break the date now. I showed up, looking like my fabulous self. I decided to show off my awesomeness by launching into a conversation on video games. I mentioned that I have a Wii. His response? "I have a Wii, too. Sometimes I like to take it out and play with it."

At that point, I considered throwing my drink in his face and shouting, "Do I look like I'm in seventh grade to you? Because your inappropriate sex jokes are NOT FUNNY." Instead, I finished my drink and left his too-drunk-to-drive ass stranded at the bar.
I dated a guy like this last year. He would try to instant message me all day, every day from his boring desk job. And, he was the worst online chatter EVER. He'd write "lol" to everything I'd type and he'd carelessly misspell easy words, which annoyed me. His favorite thing to say was, "You've just turned me from 6 o'clock to midnight," which is a lame analog clock/ dick joke that wasn't funny in the first place. But, he'd constantly say it to me. It was like, his catchphrase! Gross. He didn't last long. RIP Guy I Went On Three Dates With Who Was A Terrible Chatter That Also Made Lame Dick Jokes, RIP. *tips my 40*


Zack said...

I saw one of these guys over the weekend. Couple sitting in the booth next to me at a restaurant. The dude was telling the same lame dick jokes I remembered hearing in middle school. He had to be at least 35, it was just pathetic.

The lady was facing me, and she saw me shaking my head after hearing a couple of his jokes. When he went to the bathroom, she caught my eye, and mouthed "HELP!" with this pitiful look on her face. Pretty sure he had to turn himself to midnight after that date *evil grin*

Anonymous said...

Thing is, I think the first boy, at least, is responding like a boy because he's just flat out treating you a bit like one of the guys...that you seem to be into pool halls and video games (traditionally dude territory) might be giving him the (retarded) idea that you're like one of the guys, and that he can behave as such (crudely). Not knocking you, as you are obviously super cool and these shmucks should be fighting to get your number, but some guys are, well, idiots, and think that if you're laid back and seemingly low maintenance, that they can just go ahead and remove any semblance of a filter and treat you like their new favorite dudebro...if that dudebro also had a vagina and boobs that they'd like to see. :b

K said...

OH MY GOD I can sympathize, I was hanging out with a dude who made "that's what she said" jokes allllll the time. He also had a pet named after male genitalia. At first I thought it was because he lived/hung out all the time with a guy he'd been friends with since he was 3 but then I realized he was just incredibly immature. Not trying to date my little brother.

al said...

I contend that what Andrea really means by "... because your inappropriate dick jokes are NOT FUNNY," is actually "your dick jokes are inappropriate BECAUSE they are not funny."

It's a small change, but a big difference. Those jokes were trite and convenient. Spike Jones talks about his 4-year-old's vagina on stage; he gets away with it because it's funny and original.

Andrea, you're probably fine with dick jokes. You just don't like lame jokes. It's natural.

Anonymous said...

Love Is!

Allan Smithee

Anonymous said...

why dont you grow up a bit , ,if such small criteria is how your trying to find a life mate then I'm afraid you wont ever get married and if you do it will most surely end in divorce the first time he makes absurd gestures as he brushes his teeth or some other weird quirky thing you think is somehow important to lifelong happiness . Trust me you have no clue what real love is , being married is as far from perfection as it gets , it doesnt exist honey , never did and never will . Look at the really important things he kind . is he understanding , there for you when you need him , not being picky about every little detail ...grow the @$#@#@ up .

Anna said...

*looks both ways* is this person talking to ME? I hope you had fun waving your finger like a moron.

1. This is the dumbest comment I've ever read.

2. I'd go into it more and explain why, but i don't feel like it.

3. Anyways, say I agreed with you and agreed that marriage should be my ultimate goal as an adult female woman, I would never take advice from someone with such terrible grammar. Read a book!

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