September 24, 2010
He searched around for a bit and found a cotton swab at the bottom of an errant drawer, swimming amongst disposable razors and crusty bottles of stinky shaving cream. It was slightly damp, but he presented it to me beaming like he'd just found Chester Copperpot's treasure map.
I examined the swab closely. The cotton was all loosy goosey, totally uninterested in wiping away any kind of product from my face. And, it was wispy, like a Norwegian preteen's leg hair. Clearly, this was an off-brand swab. A Q-tip always stands at attention, ready for the job. Off-brand cotton swabs are limp, like they'd go AWOL at the first sign of trouble. There was no way it was going to scratch my itchy ear successfully.
Under his watchful gaze, I loaded it in. Immediately, it bent into a 90 degree angle. I felt like I had a weak cotton crank jutting out of my skull. It basically committed suicide in my ear canal because it failed at the one thing it's designed to do. And, that just made me sad.