October 1, 2010

Bonerkiller: Guys Who Say That They Hate PDA

I once dated a guy who refused to show any type of affection towards me in public: No hand holding walking around the city on a lazy Sunday afternoon, no playful kisses while we're sipping coffee on a park bench, no quick hugs leaning against the wall while we're waiting for the subway. For me, it was torture.

At first, it made me want to mess with him more. I'd get a kick out of watching him squirm as I squeezed his leg under the table during quizzo. But, the more playful I got, the angrier he'd get. He'd smack my hand away, narrow his eyes and tell me to knock it off. He wasn't kidding around: he hated it.

I couldn't understand why he never wanted to display any affection towards me in public. He'd firmly tell me that he "hated PDA" and that he found any kind of physical contact in public supremely uncomfortable. I'd try to gently explain that we didn't have to have a free-for-all Woodstock-esque love-in in the middle of the street, but that, yes, I expected my boyfriend to be affectionate with me when we're out together. It was no use; he downright refused.

Now, there is no way I'd consider dating someone who had those kinds of hangups. It's funny: for a guy who hated holding hands, he sure was a handful to deal with. Who hates holding hands? That's like, the BEST PART of dating someone. He's totally missing out, man. 


Molly said...

it IS the best part of dating someone!! that guy sucks

Anonymous said...

The girl I am seeing now does not like PDA.

Anna said...

How's that going for you? Are you bummed about it? Do you care?

Zack said...

I can understand where this guy was coming from. I find it really uncomfortable as well. But I have issues with crowds and privacy anyway, so I'm used to it.

I'll be nice and suck it up if I know she likes it, but I've never enjoyed PDA. And there are definite limits to what I'm willing to do.

Anonymous said...

The first time after sleeping with my Chinese-American girlfriend in San Fran., we were totally making out/sucking tongue in public (it was the 1st day after) and an old woman in her 70's-80's whispered/yelled at us on street corner, "Get A Room!"

Her cane was ugly, but I do *now* understand PDA reluctance.

Allan Smithee

postscript: Ah, nevermind. I'm drunk again while commenting. Have a good weekend.

Anna said...

Haha, Allan.

Forget about kissing, I'm talking about my BOYFRIEND NOT HOLDING MY HAND EVER. It was horrible!

Liz said...

Bonekiller topper...

My ex wouldn't hold hands with me in public, because it reminded him of how his mom used to make him hold hands with her.

Heather said...

I don't get it. Holding hands and tiny kisses are awesome. How can you not enjoy that?

Definitely a dealbreaker.

Drew said...

PDA is part of a successful long term relationship, deal with it guys. Another benefit to PDA is that it tells other men "Yes this is MY lady" you should definitely not hit on her. Plus is makes ladies feel wanted and validated that they are attractive. Always a good idea but keep it in moderation.

Anonymous said...


If I could date a guy who isn't constantly touching me I'd be thrilled. It's most annoying when I'm trying to have a conversation, or make a point, or concentrate on quizzo, and someone's all up in my grill. I have had a guy kiss me on the mouth mid-sentence because I supposedly "just looked really cute" when I said something. REALLY? It's nice to know you think my intellect is "cute".

Aside from the fact that it's distracting, it makes me feel OBJECTIFIED. And WHAT is with the whole "ladies need to feel wanted and validated" thing? EW, as if I need some dude on my arm to know I'm attractive. No thanks.

And as for holding hands? I need both of mine for my autonomy, thanks.

Anonymous said...

Yes! So true!

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