November 15, 2010

Bonerkiller: His Seasonally Inappropriate Clothing

I really wish that there was a law addressing his flagrant garment abuse. You'd think that figuring out which clothes to wear would be a straightforward process, but he looks like he rolled around in a dirty laundry pile from six months ago and tossed on the first dozen items he touched. It's clothing anarchy! There are rules, my dear.
  • Don't wear anything made of wool in summer
  • Don't wear shorts in winter if we can see our breath outside
  • Don't wear a winter coat in spring
Keep it straight! If he breaks any of these sensible rules, I'll badger him about his stupid outfit the whole date. "Aren't you cold? It's freezing outside. Shorts? In this weather? Really? You're serious about this?"

It's not even like he's on his own with this: look around at other people on the street and see what the general public has deemed appropriate for that day. If they're wearing sweaters, don't whip out a tank top. If everyone's wearing t-shirts, don't wear a fucking scarf.

The absolute worst for me is if a guy is overdressed for the weather. I hate staring at his bulky parka when it's 70 degrees outside. I wanna strip it off him and leave the coat on the street as a fluffy reminder of my zero tolerance policy for seasonally inappropriate dressers.


Zack said...

I love the overdressed part. I've got a buddy who starts layering when it drops below 80 (I shit you not). I'm in a T-shirt, and he's wearing a thermal, a long-sleeve shirt and a hoodie. Hell, I snowboard in less than that.

The one that irks me is people who mix it up. Thick sweater on top, shorts and flip-flops on the bottom. First, flip-flops should be fucking illegal. Second, WTF, only the top half of his body gets cold?

Now, what exactly is a spring coat and what separates it from winter coats? The insulation? We don't have all of your fancy "seasons" down here in Paradise.

Alan said...

Some people just have different tolerances for warmer/cooler weather. Could be that they're wearing warm clothes in the heat or shorts in the cold because that's what makes them comfortable. Someone who's sitting there freezing/frying isn't going to be much fun to be around, nor will they be having fun. Bad times all around.

Now, if you'll excuse me, it's going to be in the 50s all day, so I'm going to go out and enjoy this weather in some nice shorts and a t-shirt.

Meg said...

It can depend on where you're from, too.

I live in Maine. It's humid and sticky for 3 months, cold for 4 months, and fucking cold for 5 months. Mainers aren't *generally* stupid enough to out of season clothing (all college campuses and high schools taken out of this equation, please), because you'll either get heat stroke (late June- Early September) or frostbite (November- early May). Literally. I tend to run cold, so I usually have one extra layer.

However, my dad (and his family) all live in California, so when they're dressed in long jeans, layers and a sweatshirt (think high 60s, low 70s [seriously]), I'm usually rocking light weight jeans (or shorts) and a tee. Because that's fucking bathing suit weather in Maine.

Moral of the story: Location, location, location.

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