November 28, 2010

Burt Reynolds Is In My House, Naked On A Bear Rug: What Would Shmitten Kitten Do

"Hey, Anna."
"Hello, Mr. Reynolds."
"Call me Burt."
"Um, okay."
"Actually, I'm good over here. Mr. Reynolds--I mean--Burt, do you mind if I ask how you got into my house?"
"I found the spare key under a potted plant out front. Now tell me: Have you felt this rug on your naked skin? It feels like a grizzly bear whispering a secret to your body."
"Oh, wow. You brought a bear rug with you?"
"Why are we still talking? Come join me."
"I just got home. I'm not even wearing concealer. My eyes look dark and puffy, like Oreo Cakesters."
"Who cares? COME OVER HERE!"
"Dude, I can't."
"Why not?"
"I haven't shaved my armpits in two weeks and I'm wearing an unflattering hi-cut brief."
"You're so silly. I don't care. Get over here. Now."
"Burt, there's no way that I can just join you on that thing. I think I have coffee breath. I'm gonna need to brush my teeth or something. Maybe swish some Scope. Besides, I don't think that there's room for two people on there."
"There is if one goes on top."
I'm not sure how I would react if I came home and found a young Burt Reynolds in my living room naked on a bear rug propositioning me. I imagine that I would spend my time trying to talk him out of it.


Anonymous said...

best part: when you call him Tom.

Anna said...

I swear to god, I cannot tell Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds apart! I'm terrible at it.

Anonymous said...

"ribbit,ribbit," said frog applause

Michelle C. said...

Oh I'd definitely hit that. Look at his legs!

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