November 2, 2010

What The FUCK Is Up With His Sock Situation?

Holey Socks ~ 75 of 365It has become clear to me that he takes no pride in his foot underwear whatsoever. There is no quality control; any old piece of cloth somewhat shaped like a foot is granted permanent residence in his sock drawer.

Consequently, they're the fruitcake of his wardrobe. Those shitty socks were probably a present from his aunt and they will never get tossed out even though they have catapulted past their expiration date. He needs to give at least 75% of his sock collection the boot. Instead, he'll just wear 'em until the threads peel away from his foot in total despair. I don't blame them. I'd probably do the same thing if I had to hang out in his shitty sneakers all day. 

They look pathetic enough ganged up in his sock drawer together like malnourished inmates in a Chinese prison, but it's not much better when they're on his body. They're all thin and any trace of elastic has long since abandoned the effort so they slouch around his ankle like a disinterested 7th grader. The holes by the toes are especially pathetic, like his feet are auditioning for the role of Tiny Tim in a community play.

I wanna pass around a Pepsi can and scrape up enough money to get him a six-pack of athletic socks at Target. It'll be like sending his feet to Club Med. They'd love it! Trust me.


Anonymous said...

Generally, at Dollar stores, you can buy three pairs of socks for $3 nowadays (black included).

Also, tell him your fresh sock fetish doesn't include a "cheese smell."

My big toe on my right foot lost it's virginity while riding a train in Europe. The woman/girl sitting across me with the blanket over her lap thought it was the person sitting next to me.

Anonymous said...

What?! She thought your toe was a penis? That doesn't say a lot for whoever she thought it belonged to...

Anonymous said...

re: What?! She thought your toe was a penis? That doesn't say a lot for whoever she thought it belonged to...

No. We were sitting across from each other (two side by side seats facing two other side by side seats) And she thought the woman sitting next to me (directly across from her) was doing the foot/toe work to her.

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