Reader Submitted Bonerkiller: Holding Up Both Sides Of The Conversation

From Patrick, who'd like it if she piped up every now and then. That's all he's sayin'.

We've been sitting here for an hour already and I swear I've only heard her talk twice. I thought she was just shy, but now I'm curious if English is her first language and if she can actually understand me. Of course I went ahead and took the reins.

I told her that story about how I ran through the library screaming and stripping off all of my clothes. I was only two when it happened so it was adorable. But she really needs to get in here at some point and start trading words.

All I know is that her middle name is Rose and both of her parents are white. I don't even know how that came up. Maybe I just made an educated guess when I was getting the second round and then gave her the credit. At this point though, I'm getting more and more creeped out by her weird smile and little chuckle. Is she a serial killer? Is she just admiring my porcelain skin so she can wear it later? I mean really, do I have to waterboard her just so I can tell my friends something substantial about this date? Christ.

Ha! As you could probably guess, this doesn't happen to me much because I'm a chatterbox. I probably wouldn't notice if the guy was quiet. Plus, I can get him to open up pretty easily because I'm a squirrel whisperer. Although sometimes I like to keep my mouth shut and watch him squirm as he thinks about something to talk about. That can be fun too. He'll be like, "So, do you have any brothers or sisters or...?" After I watch his face contort for a few minutes thinking of other things to ask me about, I'll put him out of his misery and start up the chit chat again. I'm so evil!