January 14, 2011

Bonerkiller: Guys Who Act Like They Should Win An Award For Not Getting Any Tattoos

"Do you have any tattoos?"

"Fuck no. Not me. I'm 27 and tattoo-free, baby. And, I would never get one. Not in a million years. You can quote me on that. Sometimes I feel like I'm the last person on Earth who doesn't have one. It's nuts."

Whoa, settle down. Just a polite "no" would suffice. There's no need to launch into a fully-fledged prepared speech about it. He acts like refraining from getting a tattoo is an accomplishment. All he did was avoid a tattoo needle for twenty-something years. BFD!

I've managed to avoid all sorts of things: speeding tickets, pregnancy, joining a gang, killing a human. That doesn't mean I go around all proud like, "Look at my restraint at doing these things! Acknowledge my superiority."

But, I've met a few guys who wear their pristine skin like a badge of honor. It's...strange. Look at Dave Mustaine over there bragging about his lack of tats. Doesn't it make you roll your eyes so hard that they pop out of the sockets like they're protesting being forced to see his blinding white skin? Yuck.


Anonymous said...

Equally lame: Guys who act like they should win an award for HAVING tattoos. And sneer when they find out I don't have any. Lording it over in either direction = Get away from me.

Traci said...

I'm not doubting that these guys exist, but I seem to run into the ones that pull off their shirts every five minutes to talk about their "sweet ink, bro", especially when said "sweet ink" is straight-up retarded.

My Little Pony is taking a shit on your bicep? Nice to know that you'll never be taken seriously.

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