January 28, 2011

Quick Rant: He Picks Terrible Movies To Watch Before We Go To Bed

Spoiler alert: His bedtime movie selection will have violence and kung-fu and predictable plotlines and terrible acting and loud explosions and he will insist on watching it all the fucking time. These are acceptable movies to watch while falling asleep with a woman next to him:
  • Bloodsport
  • Commando
  • Robocop
  • Kickboxer
Basically, any movie with a muscular lead actor who spits out one-liners is gonna make his bedtime cut. It's a given! And, I don't fight it. There's no point. He will stand his stupid ground on this one stupid issue.

The dumbest thing I can tell him is that I haven't seen the movie yet because that will seal my fate. "You haven't seen Rambo? Ever? Are you serious? Oh, we're definitely gonna watch it then. I mean, COME ON!" He doesn't care that I don't find this particular genre of film soothing. In fact, he'll act like he's doing me a favor by exposing me to it, like he's giving me an education for free. As far as I can tell, the only degree he has is a Ph.D. in making people watch movies they don't give a shit about.

And, the worst part is that he'll fall asleep before me so I'm stuck watching this bullshit until I finally decide to turn the damn thing off. Then, I'll have weird dreams that involve dojos and trucks exploding and punching foreigners. Who needs that?

If it were up to me, we'd watch something low-key to lull us to slumber, preferably a documentary about space. I'd happily pop in any DVD from the Universe: Season 4 collection and I'd pass out before you could say the words "quantum string theory." Or maybe we could watch a Wes Anderson film because they're pretty, the actors whisper a lot, and I like the music. When I suggest it, he gets all pouty and keeps asking if we could watch something else until I finally relent.

The only hope we have is the movie Bullitt. He enjoys the car chases and I get a kick out of the '60s fashion. And, we both enjoy Steve McQueen being a badass because who doesn't love that? Finally, harmony! It won't quell the movie debate forever, but it's nice to have an ace up my sleeve when we don't feel like arguing and just want to go to bed.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

We might be dating the same guy. Or I might have written this in my sleep. Either way, YES. A million times YES!!!!!!!!!!

Anna said...

I showed this post to the guy who inspired it and guess what he did? HE MADE ME WATCH A ROBOCOP CLIP ON YOUTUBE. Seriously.

Lyndi Lou said...

Haha! We watch action movies every night before bed (the Die Hard and Terminator movies are in heavy rotation), but I love it! I'm a horror movie nerd, though, so maybe action flicks are a little soothing.

Drew said...

A tv in the bedroom drastically reduces the amount of action you get (and not just action movies).
http://www.boston.com/yourlife/relationships/articles/2006/02/09/turn_off_the_tv___turn_on_your_partner/
The Italians studied it. And they invented love, or something like that maybe that was pizza.

Anna said...

We'd watch movies on his computer! He didn't have a TV.

Dross Guy said...

I have A River Runs Through It, Legends of the Fall, and Spy Game on my slumber time cinema mix. There's a deliberate Redford/Pitt theme. They're so dreamy.

Anna said...

I love Spy Game! I'd approve of that. When it came on Netflix on Demand a few months ago, it was my favorite movie to fall asleep to for a whole week. Thumbs up.

Dana said...

I had to come back to comment on this because my husband just turned Commando on.

Dana said...

Also, I just read this to him and now he wants to be friends with your guy, Anna.

Anna said...

Ha! Love it.

Anonymous said...

I was falling asleep to American Psycho for a few months. Also, Robocop is a great movie! "I'd buy that for a dollar!"

Anna said...

There's a ton of these dude movies that I've never seen and it's not like I don't think I'd enjoy them, I just don't want to watch them when I'm about to go to bed. I try to be a good sport about it, but sometimes a girl just doesn't wanna watch this shit, you know?

Anonymous said...

I've been married 13 years and unfortunately, this has not/will not change. I've gone as far as doing the blanket statement of "I know, I just don't have the attention span for movies..." but yet, still must watch Zombies from time to time and be told it's a good movie. The Ph.D. comment is spot on.

Patrick said...

Oh I always get in trouble for picking the wrong movie before bed. But usually it's because I pick something super scary and can just pass out afterwards while she stays up freaked out half the night.

Anonymous said...

crap. i like all of the above mentioned movies and love watching them before bed. but dont worry ladies, i wont tell anyone else! i dont want men worldwide using this random internet comment as ammo HA!

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