What's The Deal With Vocalizing The "L" Word?

Saying "I love you" is the most meaningful thing you can say to someone. I don't take that shit lightly. But, the timing has got to be perfect with something like this. Saying it too soon is like mentioning your cat's UTI on the first date: Awkward.

I have friends that are big fans of saying "I love you" for the first time the moment they feel it. But what if the object of your affection doesn't say it back? It's heartbreaking, like showing him your old BOP magazine collection only to have him rip it up and spit on it.

Sometimes you just gotta pray that the words come out simultaneously with your beau, kinda like Slash selling out the few fans he has left at the exact moment Fergie gave the worst performance of her career. Sometimes things just work out like that in a perfect "OMG, me too!" moment. I'm going to turn to the Waterful Ring-toss to illustrate my point here:

When saying "I love you" for
the first time goes perfectly

And, here's what it feels like when it doesn't go well:

Good luck with that

I dated one guy who told me he was in love with me before we were officially dating. I had only known him for two weeks and it really freaked me out. That was a case of too much too soon. On the other hand, I dated someone who never said it, even after dating for three years. I feel like Goldilocks: There HAS to be an acceptable middle ground here.

What is it about the "L" word that some people take it so lightly and others take so seriously? I hate this bullshit! Pass me the Doritos: at least I'm confident that I love them and they will love me back, no perfectly-timed vocalization necessary.