March 6, 2011

Things I'm Terrible At: Explaining To A Guy I'm Interested In That The Boy I Showed Up With Is Not My Boyfriend

I have a lot of guy friends, which is great. I love them with all my heart. HOWEVER, what I DON'T love is how they can unintentionally cockblock me when we go out together. Sure, to a stranger, it looks like we're an item because we're so comfortable together, but the reality is that he's strictly a bud. We're probably just gabbing up a storm talking about the new girl he's seeing.

So, it's a strange thing to meet a new guy while I'm out then try to explain to him that despite the male companion by my side, I am available.

It turns out that I don't know how to do this without sounding like I'm insane. I've been known to barf out entire paragraphs in an attempt to clarify the situation when really I could probably communicate this in one concise sentence: "Have you met my friend yet?" That is probably what a normal person would do.

But, not me. The more I talk, the more I feel like I have to explain everything. It goes on forever and doesn't make sense, kinda like this season of Big Love.
"Oh that guy? He's my homeboy. I mean my homie. My friend. That's what I meant to say. He's just a friend. A buddy. Seriously, we're practically siblings. He's like a brother to me. No one I'd consider sleeping with. And I haven't! Oh, god no. Really, there's NOTHING here. He's actually repulsive to me. He does this thing where he puts mayonnaise on like, everything and it's so gross that it makes me want to hurl. There's no way I'd date him. Also, his house smells like lentils. So, you know. Yeah. Where were we?"


Diane said...

This is me with my best guy friend. You're stalking me, aren't you?

kate b. said...

story of my life. i love everything about the fact that i have such a solid, amazing group of dude friends, but seriously, i'm pretty sure its the biggest turn off to see a cute girl surrounded by more than 5 guys, regardless of their relationship. but i always give kudos to the cuties that have the balls to chat me up in front of them with no worries, and so does my boy herd.

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