March 6, 2011

Story Time: What's The REAL Reason You Dumped Him?

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I know we all have stock reasons we give when we end it with someone: "It's not you, it's me," "I'm not ready to be with anyone," "You deserve someone better," etc. Sometimes we say those things partly because we hope our vagueness softens the blow and partly because if we said the REAL reason we didn't wanna date him, it'd come off as borderline cruel.

But I want to know the real reasons you gave him the boot. Did he have bad breath? Did his family suck? Were his friends knuckleheads? Was he fussy about where to go out for dinner? Did he make weird faces in bed? Tell me in the comments!

This is your chance to get it off your chest. We have an anonymous setting for comments so feel free to use it. I have a hunch that this is going to be very entertaining.

249 comments:

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Anonymous said...

I once dumped a guy because his thighs were really doughy. I hated touching them. I'm gagging just thinking about it!

Anonymous said...

One time I dumped a guy because his hair was too thin and I hated touching it. Then he dyed it a weird shade of red out of nowhere and it looked terrible. I felt bad, but yeah, I ended it.

Anonymous said...

I dumped a guy because he voted for McCain. Yeah.

Anonymous said...

1" penis. He was so sweet but I just couldn't do it.

Anonymous said...

he kept singing to me on the phone when he would call me for the third time of the day with nothing to say. Now mind you it wasn't a song he was singing, just words like that is true, very true, very very true.

Anonymous said...

I dumped a guy because he always he'd get supertrashed when we'd hang out so he'd always end up having whiskey dick. It wasn't cute.

Anonymous said...

heinous breath AND his mother was living with him and he wanted us to hang out with her all the time!

Anna said...

I'm going to man up and post this, but I dumped a guy once because he had a soul patch that he REFUSED to shave off. It was horrible! Every time we kissed, it was like a tiny toothbrush was exfoliating my lip.

Anonymous said...

straight-up wimp, cried about everything

typical guy said...

Wait, you aren't dishin first?

Anna said...

I tossed in my two cents!

Anna said...

I once dumped a guy because he had a football jersey framed on his wall and he tried to pass it off as art.

Anna said...

He also had the song "Life Is A Highway" on his iPod. FUCK THAT!

Anonymous said...

After 2 years and ONE orgasm I had enough.

Anonymous said...

He put a confederate flag sticker on his pickup truck= redneck. Then, because he's a cook, he got a tattoo of two chef's knives crossed with "Mental Mise en Place" across the top. Really so many reasons that boil down to I was better than him. bam. I said it.

typical guy said...

There ya go! we usually get the 2cents first.
So its ok for me now to dump a girl for not "shaving" bare?

Anonymous said...

He was a terrible father... actually got mad at me when I insisted he pay child support and see his kid!

Anonymous said...

I once dumped a guy because he had really thick back hair that grossed me out. I tried to be a good sport about it, but after a while, I couldn't take running my fingers through his back anymore.

Anonymous said...

Also, I once dumped a guy because he always let his dog hang out on the bed while we did it. It was the worst.

Anonymous said...

Too needy/clingy. Bad in bed. Had horrible taste in music/movies. Too emotional. The list goes on and on...

Anonymous said...

swamp balls

Anonymous said...

He thought he was The Best Ever in bed. He was not. Never took me out on dates (not even dinner and a movie). Snored loud enough that even with ear plugs I couldn't sleep. Spent maybe $5 on valentines day and thought that was even too much because it happens vd is his birthday too and therefor it should be all about him. And he didn't know when to stop a joke, even when I told him multiple times to stop.
Oh, and this was all in less than 2 months#

Anonymous said...

He didn't eat anything... no cheese, no tomatoes, nothing with chickpeas (including falafel), no spicy food of any sort... and he didn't drink beer (or any alcohol)! Ack!

Also, cargo shorts. 'Nuff said.

Anonymous said...

Also took anti-depressants so could never cum.

Anna said...

One guy I went out with got super sweaty when we went out dancing. It was disgusting. It was like he was half-man and half-sprinkler. I was drenched from the runoff when he'd flip his hair. It was gnarly, as Mr. Sheen would say.

Anonymous said...

He wanted me to use a strap-on on him. And not just a normal size one, but one that was 3 inches in diameter. The thing was terrifyingly huge. Plus he had a pretty bad coke habit and medicated his anger issues with hourly weed. But the strap-on was the last straw.

Anonymous said...

He was fond of declaring "Education is for chumps!" although I have a graduate degree and he was a dropout who'd been unemployed for two years. He was very cavalier with my money. Also, he was obsessed with detestable Rilo Kiley. So many reasons.

Anonymous said...

He insisted on anal, I caved and he got e coli in his nuts and they swelled up like cantaloupes. It was my fault of course.

Anna said...

One guy I went out with wore shiny black shoes that click-clacked loudly. He might as well have been wearing high heels in an elementary school hallway. It was a nightmare.

Anna said...

Ok, your reasons sounded waaaaay nuttier than mine. Ha!

Purse Ho said...

was homeless at one point...but living in a halfway house when I met him. he slept on an air mattress. he asked me how i felt about making out on an air mattress and I thought he was joking until I saw it.

Anonymous said...

One guy insisted on always sleeping with his shirt on. He refused to disrobe the whole time we dated! He was like a never nude.

Anonymous said...

I don't want to sound really gender normative but when a guy cries on the phone when you have a tiff TWO MONTHS into dating, GROW SOME BALLS.

Anonymous said...

I stopped answering the calls of a guy after our fourth date, when I found out his favorite movie was Blade 2. Also, he didn't know the meaning of the word, superfluous.

Anonymous said...

he got SO weirded out when I tried to get him to try a sexual position other than missionary. yawn!

Anonymous said...

He shaved off his beard and it didn't look good.

Anna said...

One guy got contacts and I liked him way better with eyeglasses. OMG I'M THE WORST!

Anonymous said...

His chest was too flabby. It was like having a pile of Charmin heave around on top of me. Not hot.

typical guy said...

Ok I'm learning a lot here but now gotta ask. Why do so many girls stink givin BJs?!
Not that this flaw is dump worthy on it's own.
Any insight would be appreciated. Is it just a coincidence?

Anna said...

Have you ever dated a Jewish girl? This is like, where we EXCEL.

House of Jules said...

I dated a guy for a very short time sophomore year in h.s., and neither of us could drive b/c we were only 15, so our "date nights" were pretty much watching movies at each other's house. I dreaded going to his because his dad would say, "I'll give you two some privacy! {wink}", then dim the lights and close the door between their living room and kitchen. Never had a guy want someone in somebody else's pants so bad as that dudes father. I never obliged, and it only took about 3 weeks for me to break it off with him.

House of Jules said...

One guy always called me by my last name. ALWAYS. It's like, dude! I'm not your bro.

typical guy said...

how can you speak for all jewish girls? Have you done a poll of guys who have dated jewish girls?
but no I haven't.

Anonymous said...

I saw a picture of his family and they were all obese. He focused on food WAY TOO MUCH and trying to stay thin. I wish he accepted being chubby and just lived life.

Anna said...

@House of Jules: These are hilarious!

@Typical Guy: I'm a Jewish girl and I've talked with other Jewish girls. We all know what's up. It's called a "JBJ" aka a Jewish Blow Job and they're legendary.

Anonymous said...

I dumped a dude because he was a smoker and there was NO WAY that I was going to get serious with a smoker. He was a sweet guy, but it's not something that I wanna deal with.

typical guy said...

"legendary"? hmmm maybe I need to branch out more.
Or can you please instruct some gentile ladies?

House of Jules said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I'm a Jewish girl too, so yes I give great head. I might be breaking up with the best guy I have even know because he isn't ok with raising the kids fully jewish. Its not the same sacrifice for him, his people are not becoming extinct...

Anna said...

Sorry, Typical Guy, but I'm not Andy Dick in Old School, giving blow job lessons to clueless suburban broads. (Did you see him in that movie? It was the creepiest thing ever.)

Anna said...

I once dumped a guy because he snored like a chainsaw making an announcement over a high school loudspeaker.

typical guy said...

he wouldn't raise your kids jewish for JBJs? that's too bad. (sarcasm-less)

typical guy said...

uh isnt Andy Dick creepy all the time?

Anonymous said...

I dumped a guy because he took me to this crummy dive bar and he knew EVERYONE there, even the gross old dudes that look like their asses are glued to the barstool. Not to be a snob, but there's no way that I'd want to flop around that dive bar with him on our dates. As Mystery would say, it was a "demonstration of lower value."

mind blower said...

Dude wore a striped dress shirt, stonewashed bootcut jeans with black dress shoes on our first date. GAG. I tried to hang in there for a few more dates but that outfit was so vivid in my mind. Must repress.

Never agree to a date with a doctor when you've only seen him in scrubs.

Anonymous said...

In one breath he told me 3 things:
1-his parents just kicked him out for drugs
2-he just lost his job cuz of drugs
3-he couldn't afford to buy me a drink cuz of 1 & 2

***Then he asked if he could stay with me for awhile.

4a8c8936-487b-11e0-8418-000bcdcb8a73 said...

Because he was obsessed with the Penguins and acted like his shirts and hoodies were sacred. Couldn't even borrow one to wear out of the place, without him flipping shit..what a freak. You care more about a dumb t-shirt than another human?

Anna said...

@mind blower: THAT'S TOTALLY HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE! Ugh! It's such a crapshoot dating doctors. They usually have terrible style.

Anonymous said...

I have a couple reasons for a couple different break ups. 1. He giggled in during sex. I was creeped out since it wasn't like I was telling him jokes. 2. Guy never went down on me when he demanded the opposite. 3. Called any guy with better fashion then him gay. Hello, I live in Fishtown!?!?

Anonymous said...

Long sharp toenails that would stab me when we went to sleep..clip those bitches, its not that hard!!

Anonymous said...

His favorite movie was Vanilla Sky. Favorite tv show Grey's Anatomy. And he had small hands.

Anonymous said...

have broken it off with two guys because they were too short. anna, i know that's your steeze but i just couldn't do it!

Anna said...

Kindly direct them to me. I will take over from here.

Anna said...

Also, I dumped a guy because he was too tall! Those lanky limbs grossed me out.

mind blower said...

It's a crapshoot indeed. I have yet to hit the jackpot in the perfect MD..

1. Straight up double take style
2. Crazy delicious musical taste
3. Hot dance moves
4. Fly haircut
5. Legible writing

Personal best is 2/5

Bend me over and put a ring on it when I find this guy!

Anna said...

Legible writing? BWAHAHA! That's SO TRUE. My Dad is a doctor so I can personally attest to the rarity of this trait.

Anonymous said...

one time, i corrected a guy's grammar.
and he told me i was wrong when i wasn't.
so i broke up with him a week later.
he also never smelled nice.

Purse Ho said...

bad kisser. didn't kiss him until the 3rd date. big mistake. it was a "kiss" that felt like a violation.

Anonymous said...

Once I dumped a guy because he didn't know the difference between an ape and a monkey.

House of Jules said...

@TypicalGuy needs to maybe give some helpful direction to the gentile ladies he dates. If not just for himself, but for the next guy... ;)

L said...

Reasons:
-Porn sex, theatrical and overdone every time. I'll say your name if I want to! Stop calling me a dirty slut!
-Way too into his hair, asked me to straighten it any time he came over
-Was skinny and hated taking his shirt off, anytime he did he'd make a remark about looking like a little boy... automatic un-sexy pedophile thoughts!
-Paranoid as fuck about cops. If someone knocked on the door without calling first, he'd freak & rattle of statistics about police framing people for crimes

House of Jules said...

I found out one boyfriend cheated on me. He couldn't understand why I was dumping his ass immediately. All he kept saying was, "Why does it have to be all or nothing with you?" CASE CLOSED, MOTHERFUCKER.

Vanessa said...

I dumped him for the over rated obvious reason, he had a tiny dick. I'm sorry. Sue me. I just couldn't...sex is kind of important in my life...not as important as most but I just need it.

Anonymous said...

Fave bands included Evanescence and The Fray. REFUSED to watch Arrested Development. Despite the fact that I got him something awesome for Christmas, did not get me anything for Christmas or my birthday (three weeks after Christmas). Pretty much let me pay for everything.

Anonymous said...

1. teeny weenie. and unimaginative.
2. dribbled my head like a basketball during bjs--this makes me NEVER WANT TO GO DOWN ON YOU.
3. personality was too mild. by far.
4. overweight
5. suggested we go out for a nice dinner and when the place he suggested only took cash stuck me with a hefty tab. very hefty.

Helen said...

Reasons I've dumped someone:
1) He spent longer on his hair than anyone I've ever met, ladies included.
2) Used the word bounce un-ironically, as in: "I gotta bounce".
3) A Brit I once dated would not stop reciting the "To be, or not to be" soliloquy from Hamlet in attempt to impress people.

Anonymous said...

He looked repulsive without a beard. I mean, I could not even look at him. I pretended to be sick every time he shaved until his beard grew back.

Anonymous said...

These are absolutely hilarious!!!

I once dumped a guy telling him he lived too far away and I couldn't do long distance anymore, but it was really a combination of 1) i wanted to hook up with other guys when i got drunk on the weekends and he wasn't there (i didn't while we dated... but did as soon as I dumped him). and 2) for only seeing someone once a month and calling them your girlfriend, you'd think he'd wanna take you out every now and then... like boyfriends do sometimes. nope. i was so over it.

Anonymous said...

1] He was a short guy (my height- 5'6). He complained that I wore heels on date. 2-inch heels!

2] I told him that I got fired from my job. He paused for a moment, thought about it, and then said, "you know, I don't think it's possible for me to get fired from my job."

Anonymous said...

He spit on my vagina once before morning sex with the rankest morning breath EVER. I almost vomited. I told him I was getting back with my ex boyfriend. I'm still emotionally scarred. YUCK.

Anonymous said...

I dumped a guy after he said he couldn't see me for 3 weeks, cause he was furiously studying for the GMAT. Apparently he would NEVER forgive himself if he didn't spend every iota of his time studying... it was his goal in LIFE to be accepted to University of Chicago's MBA program.

He said I was a "distraction." I took it as a compliment, as most sexy girls would. Then I told him to go f*ck himself. You can't make any time for me in 3 weeks?!? Buhhhh-bye...

Anonymous said...

He was way too fussy about his birthday.

Anonymous said...

1. Bad breath (vomitously bad), obsessed with The Crow.
2. Deaf, 11 years older than me, neither of which were deal breakers. Kissed like his tongue was having a seizure in my mouth, which was.
3. Was more into me than I was into him. Overcompensated by telling him I was a lesbian, then acting gay around him for the next year and a half.

Scarlettb said...

I have ditched a dude mid-makeout because I saw a Devils jersey on top of his laundry hamper. (Flyers all the way! I will accept a Rangers or Islanders fan at a push, but there's just no reason to like the Devils enough to own a jersey.)

I have also rejected boys for "being too tan" and "refusing to wear a shirt". I mean, I'm from Jersey, but come ON.

Anonymous said...

i once dumped a guy after finding out that we had the same birthday... his friends also used to call him "twat", a short form of his last name. NO THANK YOU.

Anonymous said...

Found out that in his "experimental" years, he borked the family's (male)jack russell terrier. I still throw up in my mouth a little when I think about it.

Anonymous said...

I've broken up with guys for all of these reasons:

1. Only listened to the Dead and Phish
2. Thought a whale was a fish
3. Voice was too high-pitched (he sounded like me)
4. His favorite band was Bush (this was 1996 but still)
5. Offered me a line of coke on our first date
6. Talked about his glory days of high school football way too much (he was 32)

Anonymous said...

Oh, here are some more:

7. Was obsessed with his fantasy football league
8. Wore a hockey jersey and sweatpants on a date

Anonymous said...

Two thrusts and he was done. After nine orgasm-free months, I was done too.

Anonymous said...

I once broke up with a guy because he was an alcoholic. An awesome dude when drunk, clingy-as-all-hell when sober. I didn't want to become an enabler!!

Anonymous said...

1. Wore denim shorts.

2. Was a mets, giants, islanders AND a vegan.

Anonymous said...

Dude only wanted to cuddle in bed and watch horrible mainstream movies. Douche.

best he ever had said...

I was very serious for this guy for years. Two weeks to the day after we started talking about the m-word, he fessed to making out, multiple times, with some Mexican tart with big ass and a chubby face. This confession was only made after she posted pictures of them way too close to be new friends on the fuckbook. He could not figure out for at least two years (no joke-stalker for two years) why I wouldn't take him back. Do boys really think they can get away with anything without any sort of retribution?

Anonymous said...

1. Every statement he made was pseudo-profound. "Isn't it amazing how many people live in this city? It really makes you think." It made me think this guy was an idiot
2. He was so boring that I had to make a list of things to talk about before we met up.

poppy said...

1. he drank soco
2. he was going to see foo fighters in london
3. he wore several of those stupid fucking "livestrong" type bracelets
4. he had a chinese symbol tattooed on the back of his neck

1 and 2 are the same person. #dealbreakers

Haider said...

Her bedroom had pink Disney princess sheets, her bookshelf was nothing but Disney movies, and she loved listening to the Jonas bros, without irony. Oh also never drank, ever.

She was 20, I was 22. I couldn't beleive the extent she thought of herself as a preteen. Fyi, I can barely trust someone that doesn't drink.

Anonymous said...

he was fat.

acadivaisha said...

@ Typicalguy- Maybe they just don't care to do that with *you* because you are, in fact, a typical guy. ---raises eyebrow--

I dumped a guy because he lived at home with his parents and would read stuff in The Onion and then tell the joke or headline as if he had made it up.

I dumped a guy because he is lives in Evanston.

I dumped a guy because he ordered mussels.

Anna said...

What's wrong with Evanston? I used to loiter there in high school!

Anonymous said...

I once dumped a guy because the first time we hooked up, I realized he smelled like my grandpa. They used the same aftershave or something, and I just couldn't get past it.

Anonymous said...

he was a really bad kisser. like a lizard, poking in and out.

Anna said...

I made out with this guy in his kitchen a couple of times while we were drunk but he had this habit of losing his balance when we'd kiss and I'd have to prop him up?? Does that make sense? Like, his body would get limp and kind of fall on me? After a while, I'd either get sick of holding him up OR I'd lose my balance too then we'd both bang into the fridge door together or something and I'd bruise my hip. It was so strange! It was like some Weekend at Bernie's shit.

I have no idea if I've captured how annoying it was to make out with him, but it was the stupidest thing ever.

Melissa said...

This is such a good post. I ended it with a guy because he insisted on always driving with the windows down, and refused to drink skim milk.

Anonymous said...

Whenever we would make out, he would stroke my tailbone. I was too weirded out to confront him about it.

Anonymous said...

It was date #3... First one was out at a wine place in town, getting to know each other, sharing & comparing stories of being the youngest and most adventurous kid of all our siblings.

Second date was out for dinner at a vegetarian place (because of me... thoughtful!) but conversation was a bit repetitive of the prior date... and third was an invite to dinner at his house, cooked by him.

I showed up and he was wearing his scrubs + crocs (dentist). He made pasta with olive oil & pesto (a one-course meal). His after-dinner activity of choice was to have me join him on the couch to watch TV.

One minute he was laughing at the show and starting to make attempts at holding my hand / putting his hand on my knee, and about 5 minutes later he was snoring.

He was a nice guy, and a busy dude, but that night in his home he was a very different person (a little too comfortable / barely making an effort in his familiar surroundings) than when we had been out, and it killed it for me.

Anonymous said...

Thinking of breaking up with a dude because he won't let me touch his wrists.

Anonymous said...

Nothing against fair skinned Irish girls, but when we would start getting intimate and she'd get worked up, her light complection would get all super splotchy and red, like Hellboy red!

I felt bad about ending it, but that was just a total dick-wilter for me.

Plus she drank way too much, like a total Irish stereotype.

Anonymous said...

all different guys.
1. jealous dude
2. i didn't like the shape of his mouth
3. he was tanner than me. and catholic.
4. tiniest penis EVER
5. he had earrings. like... circular hoop earrings.
6. was convinced my GAY best friend was trying to get in my pants
7. was a foot and a half taller than me, skinnier than me, and had a horrid tattoo and a coke problem
8. drugs, drugs, and more drugs.
9. told me he was four years older than me. after i slept with him he confessed to being two years younger than me, and then called me a cougar!!!
10. was 26, shared a studio apt in the ghetto with 2 other dudes, and was so proud to only own 2 spare teeshirts, a sleeping bag, and a marijuana plant. (also, said room mates--WAY cuter than him)

Anonymous said...

He had a constant nose whistle...watching a movie with him was unbareable.

Anonymous said...

Since we're going anonymous here-- honestly it was because he was bouncing between antidepressants and I couldn't deal with the mood changes and he didn't provide me with enough incentive to stick the course. Sad, but true.
He was gorgeous and had an amazing sex drive, so I hope he got those issues squared away

Anonymous said...

i know i started divorce proceedings because of a pile of reasons, but really it's because of those damn blue shirts. boxy, baggy, icky, and completely unflattering but he wore them everyday (he had a bunch). begged him to stop wearing them. asked nicely. hell, even bought him nicer shirts - but he wouldn't. i remember asking him, "you want me to touch you naked, right?". egad.

Anonymous said...

his cum tasted TERRIBLE. wtf?

Anonymous said...

One guy had like the longest nose hairs ever... I realized I had to get out of there. :(

Anonymous said...

two words: foot licker, couldn't not laugh at it for his sake

Anonymous said...

2nd date, I came by his place and he led me to his bedroom where he had written poems for me on scraps of paper and had them stuck to his walls with red candle wax. Creepy shit. 2nd date!! I was outta there.

Anonymous said...

All different guys:

1. He wanted to try anal sex WITHOUT lube. ("It's to slippery? Dude, no.)

2. He always split the bill 50/50, and never tipped more than 12%.

3. He ordered chocolate martinis EVERY TIME WE WENT OUT.

4. There was just way too much pubic hair, that I couldn't even think about a bj without wanting to vom.

5. He hummed "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" whenever we had sex.

6. He would call me at least 5-6 times a day to tell me about something that made him laugh. (It was never funny.)

7. He had a heart-shaped vibrating bed that I discovered after 3 weeks, was located in his parent's house, where he lived. And he was 15 years older than me, with 2 kids.

Anonymous said...

He made weird faces when we had sex. Like, it was so bad after awhile I only wanted it from behind so I could pretend it wasn't happening.

Anonymous said...

(All different guys)
1.) Confessed to dating me because I looked like his ex gf.
2.) Slept on a raft. Not an airmattress... an actual inflattable raft that one would use in a pool.
3.) Read too much Ayn Rand.
4.) Got drunk in front of his kid.

Anonymous said...

He was behind me rubbing my shoulders and after I while, I felt something weird on the back of my neck. I reached and felt tons of saliva! He had been spitting on me the whole time! I freaked out, washed myself off and left!

Anonymous said...

Oh. Man. This thread is amazing, lol.

1.) Dated one guy who basically was Napoleon Dynamite, also wouldn't drink and was 6'1" and about 120lbs (yeah I didn't think that was possible either!) on account of the fact that he didn't like food with more flavor than a slice of bread. Oh, and when I lent him my copy of Slaughterhouse Five, he told me the book was "a nice story". Real nice guy, but yeah that wasn't going to work, lol.

2.) This guy completely DIDN'T LIKE food, and also didn't like learning anything beyond what he already knew, which is a pretty sad state to be in at 25, lol. We lived together, and I thought the area we lived in was a fair compromise, but he later told me that he didn't like being "so far away from his parents". They were a 30 MINUTE DRIVE. Yeah, dude had a complex. Next! lol

3.) I should've been tipped off when I told him I wanted to go back to school for my PhD, and his response was "Wow! You're, like, the smartest person I know!" This dude was 8 years older than me and had lived on Long Island for at least 23 years, whereas I've only been here for 4.5 years and here I was explaining the Long Island Railroad (commuter rail) to him. Not only is this not a difficult concept AT ALL, but the LIRR has been exactly the same for at least 200 years, lol. Oh, I also had to explain E-Z Pass to him. You put money on the tag, you go over a bridge, you get a discount. NOT TOO HARD, lol. Oh, and one time we were going to go out suit shopping for him, so I gave him like a week and a half to make sure he had $100 set aside for a suit. What does he do? He shows up at my house and says "I don't have any money for a suit." Honestly I don't know how people like this are still alive, lol. Oh he also had a tendency to buy chicks engagement rings after the first date. Oh also, he was ginormous, basically the opposite of the previous two guys, and while telling me he was trying to lose weight, would eat an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's during break at work. UGH.

4.) A guy I dated in high school was cast as the male lead in the spring musical, and the director didn't like us together as a couple so she chose someone else for the female lead even though I was her first choice. So I dumped him since he was obviously ruining my career in theatre, lol.

I also liked a guy who was disturbingly hardcore in love with one of my best friends, and another guy who, despite being smart as a whip, told me he thought evolution was BS. They actually broke it off with me though, lol (can't imagine why for the first guy lol).

Anonymous said...

once because he told me to stop using big words to impress his mom and his friends.

two times because of height (im guilty of this too, anna! sorry!)

once because he sucked some dude he knew's dick over the weekend because he was curious. WAT.

everyone's submissions have been amazing, i wish i could reply to all of them! hahaha

Anonymous said...

Before our first date, he asked me to give the directions to my house to his mother, who would be driving us. We're 23. I was suddenly very ill.

Anonymous said...

He was tall and lanky and having sex with him was like having sex with a cricket. His favorite singer was Barry Manilow. He had to go.

Anonymous said...

I'm all for a man who is trying to better himself but this guy was obsessed with AA. Everything was some AA saying. All he ever did in his free time was attend meetings, hang out at coffee shops with AA people, couldn't go out of town without knowing where meetings would be. He had been sober for 10 YEARS!

acadivaisha said...

@ Anna- I dunno. For some reason I thought Evanston was "nerdy". Like, it was a step below the city. I ended up going back out with him. Ultimately, he dumped me over Facebook.

Anonymous said...

oh my GOD i needed to get this out! All one man.. was I crazy to stay with him for 3 years?!

He kissed like a lizard

Made terrible faces in bed, I didn't want to look at him during sex.

smelled terrible. and his breath was rank.
personality was like talking to a brick wall.

Very very very well off, never payed for anything, took me to a nice dinner maybe once every 6 months (3 years dating).

Convinced himself that I hated valentines day.

Antisocial with no sense of fun, didn't dance, didn't like big groups, didn't like loud places, didn't like nice places, only at home, playing video games.

Palate of a toddler, no fruits, veggies, fish, etc. Only pizza, chicken tenders, soda, and mozzarella sticks.

3 years no orgasm, enough said.

Jordan LaRousse said...

I've dumped a lot of men for a lot of reasons, here are the more amusing highlights:
1. Because every time we passed a tractor he would say "John Deer"
2. Pinky-sized package
3. Tore his sushi up with his fingers, ate only the rice and asked for plate after plate of ginger to eat as if it were the main course.
4. Had a ridiculously huge outtie belly button that made me gag whenever he got naked.

Anonymous said...

Too many emoticons, exclamation points and alliteration in his text messages.

Anonymous said...

1. never nude who thought that doing it without clothes on was "only for hippies"

2. refused to eat any kind of bread besides supermarket white because anything else was for "people that wanted to show off how much money they had."

3. ATE ONIONS LIKE THEY WERE APPLES!!

Anonymous said...

He broke up with me but I can tell you why I didn't lost my virginity to an old boyfriend. I didn't want my first time to be with someone who ended up to be gay.

Anonymous said...

He hated the fact I was still friends with some of my exes, picked a fight about it by sitting on my stairs pouting like a 3-year old, pulling the "nothing's wrong" crap and then started crying (like a heartbroken child) when I snapped & got super pissed about it. He was also under the delusion that calling the house I own "his house" (two words for THAT one: um...no) was cool.

Anonymous said...

I once dumped a guy because he was obsessed with fire-spinning, drum circles, and pagan gatherings... even though he wasn't pagan. He would constantly call, saying he was on his way, and then show up hours later with no explanation as to why he was late. And the kicker is I found out he cheated on me while we were living together during my first semester of grad school. He still wanted to stay together, and I was like, "Excuse me, what???"

Anonymous said...

I once dumped a guy because his dreadlocks smelled funny.

Anonymous said...

They typed lol LOL ALL THE TIME. LIke after every single sentence.

Anonymous said...

I dumped a guy in high school because he never took me out on a date. His idea of buying me dinner was McDonald's or Wendy's and never had money because every cent he had went into his P.O.S. Cavalier that he was "pimpin' out". Then, I found out he was cheating on me and got an STD from the dirty ho. HA!

norahthehoney said...

Different Dudes-

1. Long distance guy, I asked him over the phone what he had done the night before. "Oh, I hung out with so and so and we smoked some crack." Wait, what?! how do I KNOW someone who has smoked crack, nevermind dating someone who has.

2. After date three, dude couldn't make it to my bday party because he had to watch his daughter.Totally not the part that was a big deal. while watching her, he had a friend over and they did heroin. "What's the big deal, she was asleep." Again, how did this happen to me and why are all these dudes so cavalier about it like I am totally down with drugs?!

3. First date was going ok, until he totally tried to JUSTIFY MURDERING ABORTION PROVIDERS ON OUR DATE.

anyone else think @typical guy is being a creep?

Anonymous said...

He was Pro-life, refused to use condoms during sex and thought birth control was morally wrong. Surprisingly, he didn't want to be a father.

Needless to say I left as soon as I heard this.

Shadow's Whisper said...

She had small pointy asymmetrical breasts, that were all areole. I know we live in a pornified culture, but they were really gross...

norahthehoney said...

Clarification. While on our date, he spoke of justifying murdering abortion providers. he did not justify murder as part of the date. Thought I probably could have justified murdering him.

Anonymous said...

She kept making gay jokes about me throughout our second date because I mentioned how I like Terrance Howard. You tell me you don't get lost in those eyes!

Anonymous said...

I once blew a guy off because his jeans were too baggy and he wore a wacky tie on our first date. It looked stupid.

Anonymous said...

utter failure in conveying any sort of personality in the written word. texts, gchats...sounded like a robot! i'm looking for more of a response than "word."

2. didn't dance and didn't like my clothes (and openly expressed that).

MP said...

You know, it wasn’t the guy with anger issues, who yelled at me when I confronted him about them. It wasn’t even the guy who had a thing for big women, and gave my then-skinny ass a complex by noticeably checking them out in front of me.

Oh, no, no. It was the guy whom I realized, immediately after sleeping with him, had flipped me over during the act not to switch it up, but to pull the condom off, literally behind my back.

That was a fun midnight quest through the city in search of Plan B.

Anonymous said...

he got ridiculously angry when at brunch i took a homefry off his plate without asking.

typical guy said...

you mean this Evanston?
http://www.myfoxphilly.com/dpp/news/education/university/Northwestern_University_Sex_Toy_Demonstration_030311

Anonymous said...

I dumped one guy for many reasons but the kicker is when he told me he sat down to pee, every time.

Anonymous said...

I once dumped a dude because he'd moan my name in this high-pitched voice that sounded really terrible, like a mouse being stepped on. I HATED it.

Anonymous said...

The same guy also had a super tiny dick that would always slip out while he was banging me and he'd let out this little whimper and apologize for it saying, "I don't know why it's not working." IT'S NOT WORKING 'CAUSE YOUR DICK SUCKS AT FUCKING. It made me want to die.

Anonymous said...

typical guy, there are 2 things that make for a shitty blow job: #1, injudicious use of teeth, and/or lack of sufficient lube and #2, lack of enthusiasm. If you get someone who just doesn't like giving head, she's going to be terrible at it. If you get someone who just doesn't like giving you head (manscaping, odor issues, unfamiliarity with the territory, pissed off at your for some reason, etc. etc. etc.), she's going to be terrible at it. If you get someone who is a selfish, selfish human being, they're not going to give a rat's ass about someone else's pleasure, and they're going to be terrible at it. Find yourself someone who LOVES to suck cock, and you'll find yourself an amazing blow job.

Anonymous said...

I dumped a guy because he refused to wear shoes. ever.

Anonymous said...

1) his house was hoarders-filthy...pets and stink.
2) The only time we made out, he started licking my neck, chest like he was some dog and wouldn't stop even after I told him to stop. I smelled like spit afterward and that made me ill.
3) had this whole "nice guy" act going on and then one night he txt'd me randomly and said 'when am I finally going to get a blow job from you?" i had no desire to see his junk! this was AFTER the licking incident.

Anonymous said...

only dumped one guy.
tipping point: my mini ice cream sandwich was in that weird state where you could tell it had melted in shipment, then re-froze.

larger scheme: went to see the killers at the borgata. on the way there, won tickets to see the killers the following evening. i was excited. he scoffed and said "we're not going to that" even though we had no plans for that day, and we were DRIVING BY THE VENUE FOR CONCERT #2 ON THE WAY HOME FROM CONCERT #1.

still gets me fired up. he was an all-around douche and we didn't even like each other. we were 100% settling. his skin was also always almost green, like he was able to get tan, but refused to do it. as a ginge, i always resented that. live and learn, i guess.

Anonymous said...

He was thinner than me.

Anonymous said...

He would call me just to tell me what he ate that day

Anonymous said...

He refused to brush his teeth before bed. Apparently once a day is enough.

Anonymous said...

Hola Anna! When is the "The real reason you dumped her" coming up for discussion? Not surprised this is an entertaining thread...but wow, great feedback and a few pointers to take into consideration.

Anna said...

Guys have been adding their two cents in this thread. Feel free to contribute!

Anonymous said...

I'm only gonna get into the reasons I dumped my latest ex, and I still don't even know where to begin:

> Had "insomnia" and swore the only place he was able to fall asleep was on the couch in the living room. For six months, we slept in separate "beds" (technically, his was a sectional).

> Was hardly ever willing to have sex, and on the rare occasion that he was, he positively refused to remove his shirt/boxers. As the girl, aren't I supposed to be the self-conscious one?

> Was incredibly sensitive and wanted to have a discussion about EVERYTHING. Any time I became even the slightest bit perturbed about something he said/did, it would turn into an hours-long argument.

> Was highly pretentious & judgmental and seemed to only enjoy discussing philosophy and the classes he was taking as a history major. Cool. Have fun not making any money once you graduate.

> Would constantly gripe about hating the fact that he was a hipster, when he was, in fact, not a hipster at all.

> Had Godsmack on his iPod. And didn't hide it.

> Lived with his parents. Granted, he was 22 and still in school, but I don't want to have to walk out past your mom & dad eating breakfast when I leave in the morning. It's just awkward, even if they are cool with me spending the night.

> Had an extremely sensitive stomach, causing him to not be able to eat a plethora of different foods. Also caused him to burp. All. The. Time.

> Made himself a copy of my apartment key. Without asking. Then didn't tell me about it for a couple of weeks. Upon finding out this information and calling it "a little creepy," he became extremely offended and continued to bring it up intermittently throughout the rest of our relationship.

> My mom came into town and took us out to dinner & drinks and paid for the whole tab. He didn't say "thank you." Even after I reminded him to.

> Always had a problem with me hanging out with/talking to male friends/my ex, even though the vast majority of his friends were female.

> Most importantly, my family & friends didn't like him. Deal-breaker.

Anna said...

This is kind of crazy, but I was seeing a guy for a hot minute and I noticed that he was checking Shmitten Kitten from his work CONSTANTLY. Like, upwards of 50 times a day. I could tell because his workplace server name was listed in my stats so it took about one second to figure out it was him. I never told him that was why I blew him off because how do you bring that up? I considered calling him out on it, but there wasn't a point. I just backed away slowly.

Anonymous said...

He didn't drink coffee or alcohol, and was a vegetarian to boot. I could maybe get on board with one of those, but fuck that sad, unfun trifecta. And he didn't even have a reason for not drinking like religion or a family history of alcoholism. And he was like 25! He just...didn't. So weird.

Anonymous said...

You know, reading all of this really highlights how lax I've become as a husband...
At least I brush & use mouthwash before bed!

Anonymous said...

There have been so many reasons over the years, where does one start?

A. I once broke up with a guy due to dragon breath, even after brushing his teeth, which I found out was a rare ocassion, it still smelled. Grossed me out big time!

B. Broke up with this one guy who told me he found the one (meaning me) on our first date and only knowing him like 2 hours....deal breaker!!

C. I dated this guy who said he had a couple of drinks a week to unwind, which wasn't a problem to me (I don't drink and don't want someone who drinks like a fish)only to find out he polished off a 5th daily and chased it with a 12 pack of beer! I guess he thought I wouldn't notice!

D. This guy I went out with one time (key word one time) told me as a matter of factly that he had a ball problem and couldn't wash them, he was too sensitive, good thing nobody was seated near us at this nice restaurant. Glad he didn't order fetachini alfredo, the thought of cheese (famunda cheese) under his sac was more than I could handle and needless to say, I got an instant visual.

E. A great looking guy, well dresed, good job, own home, etc. etc. thought it was funny as we were leaving the restaurant to fart loudly by people's tables as they were eating to see their reaction, meanwhile I was caught in the cross fire and it smelled like something crawled up his ass and died 3 years ago!

F. Met a guy online who said he was 5'10" and was 45, when I met up with him, it turned out he was like 5'2" and 68, did he think I wouldn't notice?? I ate and left and he had the nerve to try and kiss me, good thing I'm very tall and he was to my shoulder, but when he tried, he had stale crotch rot breath and was missing most of his teeth and the rest were rotted with what looked like last months food still gommed up in his teeth, so gross...YUCK!!!!!

G. Broke up with a guy who said he still had the same sheets on his bed for 5 years and they used to be off white, it made me think of what his tobacco stained, racing striped underwear must have looked like...there is such a thing as sharing too much info, but he was honest and good thing.

H. A guy I met had pinky toes that stood straight up looking at the ceiling, that freaked me out and he had the nerve to wear flip flops, I'd be hiding that shit or have it surgically corrected, too freaky for me.

I. Another guy I met would never take his underwear off when we had sex, I even went as far as to bring it to his attention and he pretended not to hear me and I pretended to not see him anymore, dumped him via text and never saw him again, too weird! (Guys have any comments on this one? I'm still baffled).

J. I caught my date picking his nose and eating it...."TAXI!!!!" I was out of there and so sick to my stomach, he was like 34 years old! I guess he was trying to save money on ordering an appetizer.

K. He farted constantly and making sure everyone heard it, I think farts are funny myself, but there is a time and place for everything.

L. Went on a first and only date with someone who didn't think anything of telling me he didn't know how to have sex, at 40, it wasn't my job to teach him!

M. Picking up cigarette butts off the ground and emptying the tobacco out so he could make his own so it would not cost anything, nasty ass!

N. Speaking of nasty ass...this guy I met for the first time bent over to pick something up and there was a down wind, smelled like he hasn't washed his ass in God knows when...nasty!

These are all true stories, all of the above is everything us women are looking for in a man, especially the ones who want you to support them and don't think a thing about it...NOT.

Anonymous said...

Broke up with a guy because he always wore super-tight skinny jeans with flipflops. His hobbit feet just grossed me out too much. Which is a shame, because he was super attractive from the waist up. Ginger-headed Irish. My one true weakness.

Anonymous said...

he carried a backpack all the time with nothing in it except like...a piece of gum and a comic book

crystal said...

smoked way too much pot, started getting into pills and constantly blamed me for everything. uh no thanks!

Anonymous said...

I called it off after 4 weeks but should have taken notice on the first "red" flag.

1)OK Cupid meetup went well (January 28 2011)

2) Made her a 3 course dinner then after making out, hot and heavy she says "I'm not having sex with you till April". RED FLAG (Feb 2)

3) Spending lots of time together as we both make our own schedules for work.

4) Snow day! Snow shovels everyone's sidewalk on my block in addition to her car but not mine??? (WEIRD I know but DAMN!) RED FLAG 2 why would she do that?

5) Take her to some of the coolest spots, share awesome books, music and MOVIES. All of a sudden their HER FAVORITE (Red flag 3)

6) It got VERY weird for me after #6 so I let go as this is too much too soon...

7) THE REAL KICKER! She is now going to all of the spots I introduced her too, got the haircut I told her that would look fabulous on her AND is back on OKCUPID and her favorite authors, places to hang out, movies and her new hair cut ARE ALL UP on her PROFILE!!!!! WTF !!!!

I never thought that a girl could be a "creep"! This totally takes the Liberty Bell cake!!!

Oh, and she totally fronted on the sneakers. As many of you woman know, sneakers can play an important part of a mans life and when you pose as a "sneaker pimp" and are not, things can go very wrong.......

Anonymous said...

Dumped a girl after one date when she boasted, BOASTED, that she 'was a very modest person'

Anonymous said...

Decided to move out of state to escape a guy who chose to ride his bike through town with an american flag tied around his neck and eat pizza out of the dumpster while sitting under a bridge down by the river. I wish I was lying.

Anonymous said...

Dude wore WAY too much gold jewelry (actually one piece of gold jewelry is too much...)

3 Earrings in each ear, watch, bracelet, ring and necklace.

None of my friends ever knew his real name, I referred to him as Gold Jewelry the couple weeks we dated.

thesimplicity said...

I like how, through all of these stories of breaking up with guys, there's someone with the username "typical guy" being a complete creep and trolling for blowjobs.

Anonymous said...

1st (and only) date: he tried to put the moves on me while the shitting scene from "Dumb and Dumber" was going on. worst background noise ever. i asked him to leave shortly after.

Anonymous said...

a. one shared a bedroom...at 24 and b. the other had a bunk bed....enough said

Anonymous said...

I stopped seeing this one guy because he was totally crazy lurking my facebook, commenting on lots of random photos, making weird comments about my status' and posts by my friends.

Anonymous said...

I stopped dating a guy because he constantly wore pajama pants and wifebeaters and pronounced chipotle "chipole-tee".

LC said...

All different guys:
1) My childhood crush I reconnected with at 21 wore a leopard thong to bed and admitted to being a former male stripper who made out with men for money. He also told me how wonderful it would be if I got pregnant and he would raise the baby. His "best friend" was especially close. I'm assuming I was an egg bank.
2) Boyfriend #1: smacked my kitten across the room and threatened to drown him and his sister while I was at work. Also threatened to kill himself if I dumped him. He drank a 40 and smoked a bag of weed every day. I worked and he would get money from his mom to gamble away at the bar.
3) Another one had a Cosmo and condom wrapper on his bedside table and tried to convince me they were his roommate's girlfriend's. He stole $700 from me. Now he is a heroin addict.
4) The boyfriend I never argued with was on a male chat site while I was at Basic Training and started dating some dude after we broke it off. I should have known when he assembled complete outfits together and knew more lyrics to High School Musical and Hairspray than I did.
5) One guy's jackhammer technique in the bedroom was not impressive. Although he took me to some nice restaurants and a petting zoo. But he told me my ass wasn't big enough and I was too nice. His friends who were girls were apparently bitches who would rip me to shreds.
6) I had a blind date on a motorcycle - it was a beautiful ride. But he kept talking about Asians and I got creeped out and never talked to him again.
7) Some creeper I met at a dingy dive bar called me his girlfriend after the second date and cried when I told him I didn't want to see him again. He proceeded to call me every night to whine about how jerk guys ruin things for nice guys and they set up hurdles for nice guys to jump over. Wah wah.
8) My brother's friend (7 years older) took me to a really great ale place. He asked me what some of my dreams were and proceeded to tell me he wanted to do those things with me. He said he had liked me ever since he was 10. Yeah, I was 3. He called me the next day to say he missed me. I didn't answer so he called 3 times a day every day for a week until I called him back and screamed at him.

I could go on, but I won't. All of these stories just make me feel fortunate for my boyfriend now.

Anonymous said...

This thread is a great argument for homosexuality.

Anonymous said...

The guy who would cut the sleeves off of all his shirts because his Mom told him he had nice arms. He didn't and they were fat and untoned.

Anonymous said...

my ex husband wanted to be Phil Collins. he dedicated the last 3 months we were together to getting four stars on vocals and drums at the same time on every Rock Band song...

also? he wore a hugeass wallet chain, like it hung down to his knee, ALL the time, ever since he was a tween.

Dude said...

I once nipped a potential romance in the bud when the girl whipped out her phone to get my number and had a NJ Devils background picture. Ughh. I didn't give it to her.

I dumped a girl cuz her room was always dirtier than mine. And my room is usually not clean.

I dummped a girl cuz she didn't put any effort into dating me. She was cool and seemed to genuinely like me, but didn't call/text/e-mail/anything unless I made first contact. Until I broke it off, at least. (She said she had been hurt and was just worried about players.. I told her I was worried about baggage..)

I dumped a girl cuz she didn't smell nice. She didn't smell bad, but if I can't pick you out of a lineup blindfolded, it ain't gonna work out for us in the long run. C'mon ladies...

Anna said...

OMG I'm totally the girl that doesn't contact guys! I usually let the guy dictate the pace of communication at first because I don't want to seem too clingy. That's my greatest fear: that my desire to not come off as needy somehow drives the guy away or shows disinterest. YIKES!

Anonymous said...

He was a shitty kisser. 'Nuff said.

Anonymous said...

1. he kissed me like he was mashing his face up against a pane of glass - complete vacuum suck.

2. fucked like a jackhammer for seriously no more than 60 seconds then would jump up immediately afterwards to wash himself in the sink

3. REFUSED to talk on the phone for ANY REASON but would also not read texts or emails - complete communication impasse.

He was 40 and was dumped after I realized yes, this was how he kissed, fucked, and communicated.

Anonymous said...

Told me he loved me after two weeks, had a one-inch dick, was in a frat, had deformed feet and exposed them in sandals every day, was not cute

Anonymous said...

^^ that was one person, btw

mind blower said...

He wasn't tough enough. On the exterior he looks like he can smash like the rest of 'em but when dude is talkin' and sounds way wimpier than Winnie the Pooh - yah gots ta GO.

I need a gully dude, on the real.

Anonymous said...

I can't stand a guy who tries to shove his music down my throat. I like to listen to new stuff in my own time, not with someone perched and waiting for a reaction. One guy got into a huge argument with me because I didn't want to rip my panties off in a frenzy of excitement because he played My Morning Jacket. I was done.

Dude said...

Anna, there is definitely something to be said for not being clingy - no guy wants that. However, if I'm always the one doing all of the legwork, soon enough I'm going to start asking myself if you are actually interested in me, or if you're just putting up with me for free meals/concerts/whatever or even just the validation of going on dates with a cute guy. Regardless of the answer, if I'm at the point where I'm asking myself the question, your time is probably up. At least shoot the guy an innocent text or email once in a while. Heck, even a facebook poke is better than nothing (barely, but still).

Oh also, I dumped another girl cuz she went on a coke binge and hit me in the face with a wrench. So, don't do that either.

Anonymous said...

All the same guy:

Shopped for clothing at Kohl's
Cargo Shorts, SQUARED-toed sneakers with socks
Only like music from the 90's (went to a Mighty Might Bostones Concert in 2010)
Thought he was a great cook but always made pasta
Masturbated multiple times per day and would tell me about it, obsessed with porn
Spelling errors in constant text messages

Anonymous said...

This guy was a 28 year old virgin. I thought it was because he was quiet, shy and sweet, and I was willing to "break him in". It turned out he was intensely phobic of having sex because he was certain almost everyone had HIV/AIDS. WTF? I told him I don't have HIV/AIDS and that I had been tested, but he didn't believe me. That was short lived.

Anna said...

Dude, we should start a blog called Dating With Dude. You can help coach me on being better at it.

Also, I once dumped a dude because he insisted on calling soccer "football" and it got on my nerves.

Anonymous said...

I dumped a guy once because his dick looked like a rusted root. It was thick then thin and it, like, zig zagged in a weird way. It freaked me out! I didn't want to have anything to do with it.

I also dumped another guy because his dick was long and curved, like Mr. Peanut's cane. Giving him blowjobs were a nightmare.

Anonymous said...

I dumped a guy because his head was shaped like a peanut. It was fine straight on, but from any sort of angle all I could see was a peanut. Also, he had terrible calf tattoos he considered something edgy that would upset his mother. He had a very good job but slept on a mattress on the floor with his dog on top of him [us]. His once-white shower curtain and tile was entirely black with mold.

Otherwise a very nice person...

Anonymous said...

Always typed your when he meant you're

Anonymous said...

2nd date: only walked me half-way home (don't go out of your way or anything, dude!)
3rd date: walked me all the way home, but stopped half-way to urinate in public, and then tried to go in for a first kiss.
I broke it off using Slydial.

Anonymous said...

He sounded like a suction cup whenever he kissed me...then would ask me what that I noise was.

Anonymous said...

I dumped him because he never ate anything ethnic or different.
When he asked to move in, I couldn't imagine myself just eating pasta with plain sauce, hamburgers, and steak for the rest of my life!!!

Not just that.

He only loved ONE BAND that I COULDNT STAND.
I love Soundgarden, BUT C'MON LET ME PUT ZEPPLIN OR PINK FLOYD ON THE RADIO FOR ONCE!


Also he never wanted to have sex, a guy who doesn't want have sex? FUCK THAT.

Anonymous said...

He had small hands and thick wrists and wore dirty white new balance running shoes for a Friday night sushi date.

yuck.

Anonymous said...

I was in 7th grade and I didn't want my parents to find out I was "going out" with someone.

They found out anyway.

Anonymous said...

Having sex with him was much like how it must be like to have sex with a dog... minus all the fur.

He liked to lick me. No, not a little lick along the earlobe or on places where it felt good - I mean that he seemed to think I was a giant lollipop and would end up literally soaked in spit.

He was also easily excitable. The licking typically occurred in a rather fast-paced fashion, much like in the way a dog licks your face. Suddenly, in the middle of it, BAM! he's inside me. No warning, nothing. One moment I'm being drowned in saliva, the next moment he's going at it like there's no tomorrow.

Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate a guy who is orally focused and eager... but I like knowing what's going on and not ending the night smelling like my dude's breath.

Anonymous said...

When I took off my mini skirt to reveal a black mesh leotard he started having convulsions..

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