October 6, 2011

Bonerkiller: Guys Who Are Mean As A Tactic To Get My Attention

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I'm all for playful ribbing, but some guys catapult past lively banter and into a steaming pile of cow manure located smack dab in the middle of Insult-land.


Recently a guy approached me and said that he didn't like the bow in my hair; he said that he thought that it made me look immature. Thanks, guy, for that totally unsolicited criticism. It caught me off guard to have the first words out of his mouth be so rude. What a jerk! I told him that I didn't give a shit what he thought and that I liked it just fine.

He proceeded to argue with me about my little hair accessory and then moved on to criticizing my skirt too. "Are you done," I asked while giving him the evil eye.

Nope! He wasn't done: he then asked for my phone number. That's when it dawned on me that this mean guy thing was a calculated schtick. It must've been some kind of move he read about in a book about how to pick up women or something. EW! GROSS! WTF! BOO! DO NOT WANT! FUCK THAT NOISE!

I'm not sure if this approach has ever worked out for him, but it sure as shit wasn't going to work on me. I did not give him my number, in case you were wondering. Holy hell, mean guys are the worst.

15 comments:

Noah David Simon said...

ok... yeah so? it works though. admit it. women want assholes... and when they get it they go wet between the legs. Maybe later when they realize what happened they get together and call men pigs, but you are the ones that reinforce the behavior. If you didn't like it, then men would stop. I remember watching a Moveon.org commercial that told women to not have sex with conservative men... and Obama won the election... when you girls want to put your minds to it and act like the Nanny state that you really are then you change the world... usually for the worse, but I know you gals have the power to make guys behave. But I'll tell you what... I like porn a whole lot and have pretty much given up on women all together because you are such bullshit... but I've decided this... it isn't worth being an asshole... I'm not getting laid anyway because I'm a Conservative Jew who supports Israel.

Anna said...

Are you drunk? Your comment was bizarre, incoherent, and inappropriate. Have fun with your porn, dude!

Noah David Simon said...

not only am I not drunk.... I'm reblogging because I fight the femme Nanny state!

Chris said...

"I'm not getting laid anyway because I'm a Conservative Jew who supports Israel."

Cool story bro. Nice plot twist.

Noah David Simon said...

if you are sincere here you won't get laid Chris. You have to be an asshole to get nookie with the feminists. How is the MoveOn.org world working for you? Got a job? Don't answer that... (that was me being mean... some vaginas already got excited.)

Dude said...

I'm not an asshole and I get laid all the time. I don't think your problem is your support for Israel, I think the reason you probably don't get laid because you sound like a shitty person who is miserable to be around.

Also, maybe try not calling it "nookie" and work from there...

Donald said...

Ooookay. . . Anyway, regarding the post, you're right, this IS a method talked about in pick-up books. It's called a "neg" and the idea is it 1) makes the approacher stand out because they're not using some standard pick-up line or a random compliment and 2) puts you out of your comfort zone and makes you feel like you have to defend/prove yourself to this person. So instead of being a random guy trying to prove he's worth your time, the neg puts the onus on you, unconsciously, to prove that you're worth his time. It's a cheap, manipulative trick that is not limited to dating situations--think of any social encounter where someone tries to assert dominance, even with teases or little insults, and you'll see the same process. It works more than it should, not because women like assholes, but because we're all social creatures that want to be liked. That's also why these cheap tricks work more than they should.
Re: women liking assholes, though, there's actually data that addresses that question and, SHOCK!, they don't! There's a nice run-down of an OK Cupid blog post about effective words in emails here that closes with a bit about negs: http://pandagon.net/index.php/site/comments/women_like_politeness_being_treated_like_humans_news_at_11/

Amy said...

One of these comments is a Law and Order SVU episode waiting to happen. I won't spoil the fun and say which one.

Anonymous said...

It works. It doesn't work on everyone, but it works enough.

Julie said...

Just the grown-up equivalent of teasing you on the playground. I've had a few guys try this - one who approached me and said my cocktail ring looked like a cockroach, another tried to convince me he was sincere in his interest since I am not a conventional beauty. Needless to say, neither of these guys got anywhere.

Anna said...

Guys, I know what a neg is and I can assure you that this guy wasn't playfully flirting or balancing his criticism with a compliment: he was just being a straight-up dick. It was all in his delivery. He didn't smile or laugh; he was a total fucking jerk.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like it was a neg to me. He insulted you and then asked for your #. Doesn't have to be balanced with a compliment. He just wasn't 'good' at it, if you can even call it that. And the book is called "The Game" by Neil Strauss. For anyone not familiar... the idea is to lower a girl's self-esteem, thus making her more vulnerable to your advances. Unfortunately, insecure girls actually fall for it all the time.

Anonymous said...

@Anna

As another anonymous told just above me, treating you in a badass way is a pick-up tactic known as neg (which you also know as previously stated). Among the many pick-up methods existent, the indirect ones, which are by far the most famous ones, as well its main representative, the Mystery Method, which also happen to be the gate opener for virtually everyone whom becomes a PUA, have the negs as a "structural" point. After all, they all work the very same way: pretending not to care and not to be attracted to the girl you want to pick up, getting her attention therefore.

Unfortunately, this works with some girls. Some of them, though, want exactly the opposite: guys whom do like me and get the guts to ask them out. In fact, "bombing" girls with negs never worked for me. Not only I didn't even get a kiss from any girl I treated this way, and I also regreted many and many times having lost such an opportunity just by pretending to be someone I clearly am not.

By the way, if you've read to PUA stuff and don't mind answering to the question I'm bout to ask you, please answer: have you ever tried using them to pick up men you have an interest at? Have those methods ever worked with you? And, which "rules" dictated by those so called dating manuals hold truth with women?

ooh la jena said...

I'm trying to think of a good comeback for when he asked for your number...

"The only digits I give to guys like you are these." (Then, slowly and gracefully unfold your two middle fingers)

Alex said...

Barf! I hate when dudes do this. Once a guy came up to me at a show and said "I really like your dress, but you're not really pulling it off." Lasers shot out of my eyes. Oh hell no! I let him know that I was indeed pulling it off, but not anywhere near him. Superdouche.

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