December 2, 2011

Words We'd Like To Stab In The Face: "We"
This is what I'm like as soon as the word "we" winds its way through my ear canal
"Did you see The Muppet Movie yet? I saw it last week and loved it. It was hilarious."

"Yeah! Actually, we saw it on opening night. It was great."
We? We? WE? What's this "we" shit? I was talking to him in the singular and he responded in the plural. THAT'S how he's letting me know that he's with a new girl, by interjecting "we" into his stupid ass sentence out of nowhere? FUCK THAT SO HARD! Fuck it right in its smug, plural fucking face. 

He probably thinks he's being subtle by slipping "we" instead of "I" in like that, but it's not subtle at all. What, now he can't use singular pronouns because he's been on roughly four dates with some above average-looking mystery woman? Ugh. It makes me wanna kick him in the dick with a muddy boot.

Honestly, It would've been better if he had said, "I saw it last week with this girl who I just started seeing. It was great." By jumping ahead to "we" out of nowhere, it makes it sound like he's really saying, "Back off, lady! I'm a taken man so don't get any funny ideas or nuthin'." Alright, alright. Don't worry, bud. I'm only like 3% interested in you and I resent feeling like you had to flash some giant "Do not pass go!" sign at me as if I were writing our initials with a heart around 'em on Trapper Keepers or some shit. *clenches fists and scrunches up nose*


Anonymous said...

Agreed, tho being on the other end of it is no fun either. An ex-bf of mine never used 'we.' After hanging out with us and hearing him talk about things the two of us did together but using nothing but 'I,' a guy friend gave me great advice: Pay attention to personal pronouns. If he doesn't think about you as part of a 'we,' his words will reflect that. Yuck.

Anonymous said...

Guys hate that too. Some women will jump right for any excuse to mention, "my husband" or "my boyfriend" or -- worst of all -- "my fiance" (as if to say, "so close, dude, but you just missed it by a whisker"), if they find themselves in any even remotely social situation with a man.

Anonymous said...

Yeah I particularly hate it when married women do this. YEAH I SAW THE FUCKING RING.

Mallory P. said...

I am irked on the daily over this. I don't recall asking what Mexican restaurant you AND your kids recommend, or what you AND your girlfriend did last weekend. I've started bluntly asking, "Who is we?"
As a sidenote, I KNOW that it's just an outward expression of happiness that they have someone to share things with, and they feel it makes the conversation more relatable, or provides an additional legitimacy to their opinion or preference. It's not malicious, it's (probably) not intentional to feel superior at having something the other person doesn't. But blah blah, blah-- it's still incredibly annoying and mildly unsettling. It always translates to me as, "I'd been living my life as half a person up until now, and I am very proud of this co-dependency!" The next step is a couples Facebook page. *shudders*

david said...

Ah, the pural. The other way ladies let you know they are taken "Oh, my boyfriend has a ________ (jeans, watch) just like that."

david said...

I had a boss my age who kept going, "Well, MY WIFE said" or "I'm waiting for MY WIFE..." like he was trying to rub it in my face he was off the market. Finally I was like, "Dude, I've her. A few times. You can say Laurie."

Post a Comment