January 25, 2012

Bonerkiller: Guys Who Walk Several Feet Ahead Of Me While We're Walking Somewhere Together

I can't even deal with this

What is this fuckery? Guys, why do you do this? Of all the Bonerkillers I've ever written about, guys who refuse to walk with me while we're walking somewhere together would be at the top of the list as one of the worst offenses he could do. It is not only rude, but it's belittling and disrespectful. I'm getting angry just thinking about it.

An old boyfriend did this to me constantly. He refused to walk with me anywhere we went. Say we pulled up to a restaurant; he'd get out of his car and bolt to the front door, ignoring my pleas to wait for me so we could walk together. Or, we'd go to the mall and he'd freakin' powerwalk ten feet ahead of me. I hated it. We'd get in fights about it regularly. Have you ever gotten in a fight about walking with someone? It's seriously the dumbest fight of all time. "OF ALL TIME! -Kanye West."

A guy did this to me recently and I pretty much lost my mind. I slowed down a bit to see if he'd notice that I wasn't keeping up with his pace and he didn't. I watched him zip up the street, leaving me behind. He didn't even care that I wasn't keeping up. You know what I did next? I stopped, turned around and walked away. Fuck it. If he can't be bothered to walk with me like a respectful human being then I can't be bothered to follow his crazy ass. He can motor on up the street and find some other girl 'cause I'm not 17 anymore and I'm not putting up with this shit. 

27 comments:

Graham said...

Awesome deGrasse Tyson gif.

Anna said...

Ha! Thank you.

Ali said...

so true. I don't understand how after several direct and clear comments about how much I HATE it, he still doesn't get it! Do I need a leash? We are going to the SAME PLACE. We're going to the same checkout and I have the cart, are you saving a spot in line???? WTF?

Anonymous said...

I once walked down the subway steps & rode home before such a fucker (who'd crossed the street & kept walking) had any idea I was gone.

Karl Fletcher said...

Walk faster.

Men have places to be and things to do. We walk quickly so we can get to those places and do those things. We are ambitious. Keep up.

raena said...

so totally identify. my ex-bf would do this to me constantly. even when HIS friends were visiting and we would walk places he would leave us all behind. made me feel a little better, actually, that it wasn't just me.

nicoleservais.com said...

I find it fantastic that you turned around and walked the other direction. Brava!

As always, love your stuff.

Anonymous said...

Hate that so much too!!! My ex boyfriend would charge across the street on the yellow or red and then while waiting for the light to change so I could cross, he would stand on the other side looking at me like I was stupid for not walking into traffic/holding him up. UGH.

SK said...

Notice how all these stories are about EX boyfriends. Men, take note: You'll get dumped if you keep doing this crap!

Anonymous said...

People who don't walk with the group or partner have social issues. Dudes need to slow down a bit, and ladies need to wear comfortable enough shoes.

Rash said...

You are an absolute legend for walking off on him without a word. Brilliant!

Anonymous said...

Can we find a happy medium? Maybe speed your walk up a little bit? I find it difficult to walk slow. I actually have to concentrate on walking slow.

Anna said...

I think you misunderstood: it's not that I walk slow, it's that he doesn't want to walk with me. I have lots of friends and we all walk around like a happy gang chatting and laughing like normal people. So when a guy somehow decides that he's not interested in doing that even when I explicitly ask him to walk with me, I lose my mind a little bit.

Anna said...

Oh, and thanks, Rash! It felt good to walk away, like I finally stood up for myself. Teenager me would've been proud.

Anonymous said...

It's NOT about a guy having things to do, places to go, or people to see. It's about a guy who has no respect for women. My EX BOYFRIEND did the same thing. I knew I was in big trouble when we visited his mother and he spoke to her so disrespectfully. You've heard it before ladies - "The way a guy treats his mother and sisters is the way he'll treat you." Again, THIS IS MY EX-BOYFRIEND. Bob Boys are you reading this?

Anonymous said...

Wait, guys actually do this? To me that just...doesn't compute. Why would you go somewhere with someone if you aren't interested in actually, you know, spending the time with them? I could see doing that if you were seriously pissed or maybe were running late and wanted to make sure you reserved the [whatever] in time, but otherwise WTF?

Lora said...

My current bf used to do this all the time! I started hiding in doorways or tuck into an alley every time he would do this and watch him freak out when he finally realized he lost me and I couldn't help but giggle watching him look around for me and then I would jump out and scare him. Now we walk at the same pace, ha!

Anonymous said...

I recently was taken all the way to Boston (three hours from us) to a Red Sox game only to have to rush to keep up with him "walking" to the ball park. Are you kidding me? (It was a little over a week ago and I'm already broken up with him, not just because of this but it should be.) We were together for a year. Not only is he walking ahead God forbid I might want to stop and look at something because, oh I don't know, I'm in a city I haven't been to in years. He did not do this when we first started dating. I'm sorry but it really takes months to really get to know someone.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad I found this article bc I had an ex do this to me whenever we'd go to the farmer's market. He'd walk ahead of me and act as if we weren't even there together. It's not like we were in a hurry either. We were casually strolling through the market. I found it completely disrespectful, rude and degrading. It was one of many red flags that I overlooked. Looking back I wished I had hopped in a cab and ended things right then and there. I would've saved myself a year of being involved with a toxic loser. I only have myself to blame for tolerating unacceptable behavior. Never again :-)

Mariposa De la rosa said...

My boyfriend does this to me all the time. And trust me, I can take care of myself, but its just ridiculous when we are supposed to be walking together (we don't even look like we're together!) . I feel like my man should be somewhat my protector but he cant even walk next to me. Sometimes i would just wait or duck behind somewhere just to see if he ever noticed. Its very disrespectful and he just doesn't get it when i try to explain to him why it isn't right. ugh, fucking men.

Anonymous said...

Anna thank you sooooo much for this article! its good to know that its not just me that this has happened to and that I wasn't overreacting. I recently had a few dates with a guy who did this, he would steam up the road without so much as looking behind him leaving me to run to keep up. One time he just darted across the road and left me on the pavement. The even sadder part is that he didnt stop on the other side he just kept on walking! Another time we were walking down a hilled street that had cobblestones, again he just charged ahead leaving me to stumble down in my heels whilst holding onto the wall for support. (yes I know some will say I shouldnt have been wearing heels but it was Saturday night and I was dressed for the occassion). Thinking back he always walked through any door ahead of me too, wouldnt dream of holding it open for me. Aside from this obvious lack of regard it soon became apparent that he has little or no respect for women as he threw in some pretty inapproriate sexual convo on our last date, mocked me and made me feel pretty uncomfortable. Long story short ladies if a guy is leaving you in the dust straight off the bat its probably a sign of things to come and he will start to exhibit other rude and disrespectful behaviours. Do what Anna did - turn and RUN!

Unknown said...

Well Said!

Unknown said...

Well Said!

Anonymous said...

Same thing also happens to me - I'm shorter than my partner and have made comments on numerous occasions that he should slow down. When I say that he walks faster than me because his legs are longer I just get an eye-roll and told that I need to walk faster as he's not slowing down because I'm too slow. One time after a fresh snowfall he left the house first and I tried to walk in the footprints he left in the snow - it was hard to keep my balance because his footsteps were so far apart! He didn't even care when I showed him the snowfall example "look at how difficult it is for me to walk in your footsteps!!!" I still got told I need to walk faster. Ugh - my legs can't even move that far.

Shawna Deyo said...

Wow I didn't realize there are so many rude ass men out there! I love my bf to death but I feel so disrespected when he does this..it's everyday! I do my best to go fast to keep up and it seems like he just goes faster!! He did not do this in the beginning so I know it's possible for him to walk beside me so wtf?? If I say anything he just says that I am slow..but I literally have to run to keep up..I don't know what to do. Am I making a big deal about nothing? Or is he disrespecting me and being an asshole?

Anonymous said...

My girlfriend does this. I tell her it's humiliating and I feel like she's embarrassed to be seen with me and it hurts me. Her response is that she yells at me and says I'm being controlling and yells angrily "do I need your permission to walk?" I just tell her I want to walk next to her like normal people do. It seems like a non-issue to me, that walking next to someone you are with is common sense normal behavior and that my feelings are deeply hurt otherwise. She just yells at me and says she's going to walk however the eff she wants to and I can't stop her. Women do this to men, too.

Anonymous said...

YAS! I dont know what is worse... Power walker or a man who stays behind! I am not a fast walker and my ex boyfriend would lag behind me, not looking around, just kindly walking feet behind me! I would get so angry!! Made me feel so embarrassed and uncomfortable like I was his mom. Funny how guys walk WITH their friends... seems to me like its a subconscious way of showing where the relationship stands.

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