January 4, 2012

Things In His House That Make Me Sad: His Toothbrush Holder Filled With Gross, Old Toothbrushes

Take a look at this motley crue of blown out toothbrushes. Why does one man have so many gross, old toothbrushes in one place? Give these fuckers a little room to breathe, guy.

They're all huddled together like they need each other's body warmth to survive. Maybe they're re-enacting scenes from the movie Alive? It looks like it. They're all crammed into the crusty metal toothbrush holder like it's a holding pen in a Carson City prison and they're more haggard than Russell Brand after a long nap. It ain't right!

And another thing, how on earth did they get SO blown out? Is he brushing the mud off his work boots with them? Does he tenderize meat with them? Don't tell me that his teeth made the bristles splay out like my babysitter's bangs because, I swear to god, his toothbrush holder looks like an '80s MTV VJ convention held in a telephone booth. I didn't even know that toothbrushes could curl like that. They practically have mermaid hair.

The moral of the story: No ones needs--let me count 'em--TEN gross toothbrushes in one container. Trim the fat. Toss these fuckers out.


LakiSwirl said...

I felt COMPELLED to comment on this because this is EXACTLY what I thought the first time I stepped into my boyfriend's bathroom and saw his collection lying on his crusty ass counter. I still don't believe his teeth alone did that damage.

Ben said...

Maybe it's one for each of the women he's killed.

Seriously I've got like 2 toothbrushes out of packets. One to brush my teeth and an old one for cleaning keyboards of whatever, which is kept somewhere else. Wouldn't want to accidentally clean my teeth with it, would I?

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