February 28, 2012

Things I'm Terrible At: Talking To Other Guys In Front Of The Guy I Have A Crush On

I need help with this, Internet! I do not know how to conduct myself around this guy I like. Well, that's not new. I never know how to conduct myself around anyone for anything. But, in this case, my problem is that I don't know how to talk to other guys in front of him especially if he doesn't know that they're my friends. What if it gives him the wrong idea? What if he mistakes my friendly chat with a buddy as disinterest in him?

This wouldn't be such a huge deal if the object of my affection wasn't so shy and easily discouraged. Aside from carrying around a huge ass neon sign that says, "Don't freak out. This guy I'm talking to is my friend's ex. He just told me that he lost his job and has been depressed about it so I'm kinda stuck here listening to his story because truthfully, I'd look like a dick if I walked away right now. But, I'm concerned that you will misinterpret the situation. Don't panic; I'm still in interested in you romantically!" But it sounds like making that sign would be expensive. And heavy.

I don't know. I guess I just wanted to say that it sucks when that happens. And it sucks to see doubt flicker over his face as he's trying to assess my situation. And it sucks to watch him quickly finish his beer and put his coat on while I'm smack dab in the middle of an intense conversation that I can't easily untangle myself from. What am I gonna do, run after him and be all dramatic? Why do I feel like I'm some shitty '80s high school movie anytime I have feelings for a guy and I run into him while I'm out? Why is this dating shit so hard? Ugh!


Solo4114 said...

A few thoughts.

I'm assuming "crush" means "guy you've been out with, but where it's still early days." That's as opposed to "guy who's clueless that you dig him, but you're pretty sure he digs you and he just hasn't made a move yet." If it's the latter, there's a whole different set of ideas I'd throw out. If it's the former, read on.

1.) When you're out, if he's sitting next to you, while in the middle of the conversation, initiate physical contact with him. Could be something small, could be something big, but even something subtle like reaching for his hand under the table while he's sitting next to you as you talk to your distraught friend would likely send the right message of "Be cool. I'm not interested in him."

2.) If that's not an option and he flees the scene before you can extricate yourself from the intense conversation, give him a call or shoot him a message apologizing and explaining the situation. Depending on how bold you feel, suggest getting together again on a specific day.

3.) Try introducing the two of them to each other and hope that the way you introduce the other guy to your paramour makes it clear "This guy and I? Nothing going on."

"Hey Steve! Mike, this is Steve. We've known each other...what, like, six years? Back when you were dating Alyssa?"

Anyway, basically, if you can't show (A) lack of interest in the other dude, or (B) interest in your crush in the moment because it'd be inappropriate under the circumstances or something, show interest in your crush after the fact. If it happens often enough that you run into dudes you know and each time you continue to show interest in the crush and not in said dudes, maybe he'll even start to relax a bit.

Anna said...

Thanks for your thoughts! All this stuff goes under the (B) heading. We didn't show up together; I just run into him a lot when I'm out. I see him looking at me from across the room, sipping his beer, sizing things up. I have no idea what goes through his head, it's possible that he doesn't notice this at all. But it makes me feel stressed that he might be stressed, if that makes any sense!

Solo4114 said...

Yeah, that does. It also makes me rethink what I wrote.

I'd say...#1 might not be appropriate (unless you're feeling forward). #2 may not work if you don't already have his number. You could always give him yours (if he doesn't have it already).

#3 is probably the best defense of the ones I mentioned.

There's gotta be a way to show interest in him that wouldn't make you feel weird or too forward or whathaveyou. Hell, just smile at the guy if you make eye contact. And if that doesn't work, beckon him over. Or walk up to him and say "Hey, sailor. Buy me a drink?" Whatever suits you, I guess.

For the record, if a good looking woman came up to me and said that, I would (A) be momentarily floored, (B) respect the hell out of her for doing so (and for being a bit anachronistic), and (C) absolutely buy her a drink.

Anonymous said...

this sounds like it falls under the category of things HE is bad at! >:[

Anna said...

Ha! I should forward your comment to him :)

Anonymous said...

Well this might be a bit late in the game for this post, but here's a positive that could come out from it: if he gets kind of nervous around you and you can tell that he gets awkward when he sees you talking to another guy, that means he definitely must have some interest already, right? Yay! In that case I bet he'd respond well if you just went up to him and started flirting, 'cause if he's awkward and shy then hopefully he'd be to excited about you talking to him to notice if you say something awkward.

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