|I wanna kick this ugly bath mat in the dick|
Anyhoo, his bath mat sucks. It's more trampled than the front row at a free Justin Bieber concert. Sure, having this shitty mat is better than stepping onto his crusty, cracked bathroom tile floor but it's not that much better. The thing is musty and stiff and there's zero shag to it. And, it never completely dries. It just stays sorta damp forever. That's not natural and I don't trust it.
Here's the thing: I've experienced great bath mats before; ones that feel like your toes are being greeted by a warm, friendly dog; ones that conform to my foot like I'm stepping into a vat of velvety cookie dough. So the fact that this bath mat is so lackluster is a major bummer. And, that just makes me sad.