August 14, 2012
1. Oof. I don't even know what to look at first.
2. The hat? The soul patch? The sunglasses? The fucking vest??
3. I'm just gonna hover around his upper arm. It's so pale and thick and smooth. It's like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man's peen.
4. Ew. I just grossed myself out.
5. The way his thumbs are tucked into his jeans makes me feel weird. I thought only apathetic 9th graders stood like that.
6. Look at his chest hair! I feel like I'd get my watch stuck in that wiry tuft by accident.
7. Is this a costume? What is he dressed as? A ren faire stripper? An overheated time traveller? A blind ranch hand?
8. He's married. Someone married a guy who dresses like this. I'm still single, by the way.
9. Well, I'd rather be single than sleep with someone in a goddamned celestial-themed vest.