October 26, 2012

Dear Shmitten Kitten: How Do YOU Deal With Creeps?

Dear Shmitten Kitten,  
So, this is my new strategy that I already put to the test. If I'm out, like at a bar, and somebody that I don't know comes up to talk to me, like some random creeper, and I don't care to talk to him because my favorite song is playing and I'd rather sing and bop around to it with my gf's, I'll just shout, "I love a thumb hole" loud enough that he'll be able to hear me over the music. There's nowhere for him to go after that but any direction that I'm not in. It's my version of Elaine's "the dingo ate my baby."  
What are your strategies? Please share. I love your blogs and articles for other sites!  

This is a great question! How do I deal with creeps? The honest answer is that I just straight-up tell them to buzz off. I'm not shy about it. In fact, I have a tendency to get irrationally angry and blurt out weird shit so it actually comes in handy in these situations. These are all things I've said to a creep:
  • "Go away. I'm not kidding. Stop laughing. Seriously, I'm being totally serious right now."  
  • "I'm not interested. Like, at all. In math terms, I'd say that I'm 0% interested." 
  • "If you could leave me alone, that'd be great." (I call that move The Passive-Aggressive Co-Worker)
  • "No habla Ingles. I SAID, 'NO HABLA INGLES!'"  
  • I do that thing Patrick Swayze does in Dirty Dancing where he outlines his personal space in the air with his fingers then I warn them not to invade my invisible air rectangle.
  • Sometimes I don't even talk, I just do a half-shrug/half-groan combo move. It's pretty sexy. Remind me to show it to you sometime.  
What do you guys do to give creeps the ol' heave ho? Tell me in the comments!