October 15, 2012

Phrases We'd Like To Stab In The Face: "Anything Fun Going on Tonight?"

"Anything fun going on tonight?" is one of my least favorite texts to receive from a somewhat attractive semi-stranger I've met in person at least once because the exchange rarely goes anywhere. It's maddening!

I'll sit on the edge of my bed and spend roughly four minutes typing out my plans in a reply. Once I push "send," a wave of sadness washes over me because I know that 9 times out of 10, nothing will come from this lazy conversation. He's not proposing that we go on an adventure together; he's just wasting my time.

And frankly, I don't like appointing him King of Plans and I don't like being put on the spot. What does he think I'm doing? It's a Friday night and I'm in my 30s: shit gets pretty tame. I'm not going to a wizard convention to ride a unicorn and drink a rare elixir derived from Leprechaun eyebrows and princesses' fingernail clippings: I'm going to my friend's house to drink cheap white wine and watch episodes of "Shark Tank" on demand.

I don't get it; if he wanted to see me, he should've asked me to do something. Why even bother with this haphazard barf of a text? Plus, I'm doubly annoyed because I'm doing all the work here. He typed me five words and I had to write back a paragraph. Fuck that.

Here's a tip: text me something I can say yes to. Wait, let me capitalize this so any guys who happen to read this get the message. TEXT ME SOMETHING I CAN SAY YES TO. It's not that hard. See?
  • "Want to go to the park on Saturday and secretly drink margaritas?"
  • "Want to see Argo?"
  • "Want to grab pho sometime this week?"
This is automatically more interesting to read! If he's that hellbent on using a question mark in a text to me, please, for the love of God, make it something I can say yes too. I can't believe it's 2012 and not only are Hoverboards not a thing yet, but guys still can't figure out what to text a girl they've met once and are sort of interested in spending time with.

10 comments:

Mallory P. said...

This is an easy one. You vaguely reference heading out with friends, don't invite him, and he will suddenly become more interested due to your indifference in his participation. Then you can gleefully ignore all of his texts the rest of the night. He's too lazy to ask for real, don't reward him with a real answer. Ain't nobody got time for that!

Anna said...

You're right! Normally, I would just be like, "I'm going out with friends" or heading out to a bar. Nothing too insane. But it's still an annoying question!

Julia said...

THESE GUYS ARE THE WORST!

julia said...

you can actually straight ignore him or you can flirtily say I would be having a beer with you if you asked me yesterday

Anna said...

I have started ignoring these kinds of texts! I've finally wised up (slightly).

Anonymous said...

By the sounds of things, you have given your real phone number to any number of castrati

Anonymous said...

I am a fan of the one word answer. I fight fire with fire. I reply with a "Yes" or even better, "indeed" ( an instant conversation killer!!) then ignore any incoming text that either ask for clarity or reply with a vague "cool" or "nice" I am so sick of the let me see what she is up to then wuss out of making a plan. SICK OF IT! Boys, please stop this lame crap!!!

Unknown said...

I HATE this text. I have a friend who sends me this one too. They ask for your plans, so they can judge what you're doing, and decide whether it's good enough for them. Hey Mr., you're the one without plans on a friday night. I'm very happy with my plan to drink wine and watch arrested development with my roommate. Go away and stop judging me.

Anna said...

Yes! EXACTLY!

NP said...

Is it possible that he knows how connected you are to the buzz in Philadelphia and the cool things happening and can count on you to be in-the-know? Or is there something I'm missing?

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