November 21, 2012

I Love Love Love Guys Who Can Shuffle A Deck of Cards Like A Goddamn Pro

Take me now, sir
I'm gonna be straight with you: I suck at shuffling cards. It's a skill that's eluded me my entire life. I don't know if my fingers are secretly fishsticks or my knuckles are made of mud or what, but these Goldfarb fingers just weren't made to shuffle. It's a curse.

Maybe because of my own ineptitude, I've come to appreciate a man who knows his way around a deck of cards. I'll watch as he grips the two halves of the deck, zips them into a shuffle, then pushes them back into a pile. My favorite part is when he arches them in his palms like a canopy. You know shit is gonna get real when he can make a deck of cards resemble an agitated cat's spine. If he shuffles the cards quickly a few times in a row, I get even more worked up. Now he's just showing off. (Don't stop!)

I could seriously watch a cute guy shuffle cards all day. I'd sit, mesmerized getting more and more excited with each "pffffft" and "bwwwwwwpt" or however it sounds when cards are shuffled. If he starts getting fancy and tosses them in the air a bit, I'd probably drag him to the closest horizontal surface and cover him in kisses.

Guys who can shuffle a deck of cards like a goddamn pro, I tip my hat to you. You are the unsung heroes of the world.


Anonymous said...

Being able to shuffle like that could be a warning sign that the guy is really into poker, and is a... gambler!

Kaileigh said...

Yes. I love it when a guy knows how to shuffle because when I shuffle, I spread the cards all around the table like I'm 5. Not a turn on.

Anonymous said...

Ah, but watch how the dealers shuffle the cards in poker tournaments on TV. They lay the cards face down on the table and mix them up with a rotating motion of both hands, then gather them into a deck. No fancy card-shark looking stuff. They need the cards shuffled for real.

Anonymous said...

But can he shoot a pair of dice, that's hotter.

Post a Comment