May 28, 2013

Flippin' Our Shades At Sharp-Dressed Short Dude Mike Oxman

Anna is pretty sure I conjured this man out of thin air for her pleasure, but the truth is, I've been a Mike Oxman fan for more than 10 years. Dude's game is tight. For one thing, he is sartorially fearless (read: will rock a bowtie like nobody's business). As a custom clothing and image consultant, he's been profiled on NBC10 and has shared his fashion insights on the Examiner as well. He's also a gifted musician, and the Philly rock scene is significantly less funky when he's not on stage.

He's an old-fashioned gentleman but not above a good fart joke. Add to that a sharp sense of humor and an appreciation for women with curves, and well, let's just say the guy is fly. He's also recently engaged (sorry, Kitten-in-Chief!) so send him your congrats along with your poorly dressed boyfriend, because as a professional wardrobe consultant, he will transform your slovenly beast into the belle of the ball.

That, friends, is a suit
SK: What's your idea of a perfect date?
Mike: If we're talking first date, I'd say hanging out at a decent bar or getting dessert. I've never had a girl complain when I said I was taking her out for gelato. Dinner is too high-pressure for both parties and also kind of trite. Ideally, I get to know the girl, like her enough to want to go on a second date with her, get a compliment on my outfit, and maybe finagle a kiss on the cheek from her. (This, by the way, is exactly how my first date with my fiancee went.)

SK: What do most guys do wrong when they're out with a girl?
Mike:  As an image consultant, I'm hyper-aware of this, but many guys have no sense of sartorial decorum. She's made the effort to wear something cute and maybe put on a little makeup, so why can't you wear a shirt that fits and pull up your God-damned pants?
***ATTN LADIES:  If your boyfriend dresses like hell, needs custom clothes, and lives in the Philadelphia-area, contact me at***

SK: What's the worst thing a girl can do on a date?
Mike: Ever been rude to a server? That's puts you on the "no call" list immediately. I put a lot of effort into how I dress, and while I don't expect that you'll be totally decked out, I'd like to see that you can dress yourself with some skill. Finally, don't be a Juggalette.

SK: Tell us a secret!
Mike: I'm pregnant.

SK: What advice would you give a younger version of yourself about dating?
Mike: Don't confuse being a gentleman with never, ever being flirtatious. Sure, women appreciate it when guys don't act like horny jackasses, but she's going to get really confused and the mood will get KILLED if the chemistry is good and you're too shy to make a move. And avoid girls who don't want to hang out with your friends every once in a while.

SK: What would you put on a mix tape for a girl you liked?
Mike: Some stuff I think she'd like with some stuff she might not be familiar with. A little Beatles, a little Nina Simone, a lot of the Roots, a little Raphael Saddiq, and maybe some Queens of the Stone Age if she's badass. If she's into it, then we can talk about Radiohead from there.
If you don't already want to give him a hug, you simply haven't been paying attention.  Follow him on Twitter @TheOximusPrime and check out his [well-written and frequently hilarious] blog


Kicky Sam said...

The not-being-rude-to-wait-staff thing is pretty legit...major turn off.

Anonymous said...

Radiohead? Bonerkiller.

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