May 31, 2013

Phrases We'd Like To Stab In The Face: "I'm Sorry You Feel That Way"

Nothing makes me more frustrated than when a guy says, "I'm sorry you feel that way.” He's not genuinely apologetic because how I feel is not in congruence with his reality. And more importantly, when he says it multiple times, all I hear is, “I will tell you anything to end this conversation.”

If he thinks I'm bringing up something awkward or painful to talk about because I enjoy these amazing exchanges, he’s crazier than I thought. Believe me, I’d much rather hang out on a street corner with a gun in my mouth than actually have a grownup conversation about my feelings.

I even explained this to him as I rolled into what was bothering me. But instead of listening and saying, “I’m sorry. I would never hurt you on purpose. Let’s make up by banging.” I just got the awkward, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” as if to take no responsibility and quickly end the discussion.


Today I’m upset because he’s got work, even though we had confirmed plans, and he’ll be late. I think late means like an hour. I learned late means he’s probably not coming at all. Once I realized this, I got ticked off. I called him and told him that he sucks and I'm not an afterthought. He responded, “Sorry you feel that way. I got carried away with time.”

I ended the conversation rather than say anything else that will make him sorry I feel...at all. I didn’t want him to feel sorry. I wanted him to stop and be sorry about whatever he did, because I’m worth a real apology. And really, I want him to be sincere ‘cause there’s only so much I can take of this "Sorry about your feelings" bullshit before I pack up and pray at the altar of some other penis.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

guys get off on being rude. they think it makes them a "heartbreaker."

Leah Blewett said...

"...before I pack up and pray at the altar of some other penis" is now my favorite threat of all time.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, move on, this guys sounds like a jerk.

Anonymous said...

Let me just toss in that, over the last two decades, men have been TRAINED to say this by women who wanted men to acknowledge their feelings, in direct opposition to male instinct, which, since the dawn of homo sapiens has been to try to come up with practical solutions in every situation (some more suited than others to pragmatic resolution). Believe me when I tell you: men do not come out of the womb with a natural predisposition toward expressions like "I'm sorry you feel that way." The truth is, he doesn't know what to say. He can't quit his job. He knows you'll dump him if he gets fired. He can't ACTUALLY make you feel better about any of this through words or actions. This is just what he supposed to say to indicate that he's listening to you, that your misery is not experienced in a vacuum, and that he still wants to have sex with you at the earliest opportunity.

thepublicblogger.com said...

I have a dear friend (30+ years and counting) who can be rude, nasty self-centered, narcissistic and unreasonable. She has been that way since I got to know her. There have been less exhausting friendships that have come and gone, so why have I maintained this one through more than 2/3 of my life? Because the value I receive far outweighs the personality traits I could do without. So ask yourself, which way does he tip the scale.

Anonymous said...

What really sucks is insincerity. "I'm sorry you feel that way," is full of both shit and insincerity.

Modern Haredi said...

Woah, woah... Anna doesn't want the guy to apologize for working. She wants him to apologize for the situation. There is a huge difference between "I'm sorry you feel that way." and "I'm sorry this happened. I know tonight was important to you. How can we make this up?"

Don @ HowYouCanFindLove said...

Many people don't understand what an apology really is. I didn't even realize what it was until a few years ago myself. Maybe a sit down is in order to talk with him about things. As a commenter above said, men are born to not really feel. If we fall or get hurt, we are told to "shake it off". Most of us never learn to deal with feelings. So when women and relationships come into play, it's no wonder why many of us suck at them. I'm not trying to make an excuse, I am just saying how many men are. Sitting down and explaining why you feel as you do when he says this could go a long way into helping him grow and recognize feelings.

JustAmber said...

That altar joke..!!!!!! :)

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