June 5, 2013

I Love Love Love That He's Pet-Free

Of course I love (most) cats. And sometimes I love (small, nice, non-yappy) dogs. I have no love for snakes or any other reptile but I respect their right to exist. But, I gotta admit, it's a relief that this guy is pet-free. To not have to leave events constantly to go back to his house to walk / care for / feed his pet is the fucking best.

It's also nice that he doesn't have to get out of bed to go walk his dog first thing in the morning; we can lay around and wordlessly check the Internet on our phones for long stretches of time, just like how all great mornings should be spent.

He doesn't have pets so we can do whatever the fuck we want!
We don't have to make emergency runs to the store to get more pet food. And, we can skip town without having him flip out every ten minutes wondering if his "babies" are okay. There are no pet babies! The only thing back at his house is a bag of frozen peas and half a bottle of vodka. Big whoop.

Not to mention that since there aren't any domesticated critters bopping around, his house smells nice. There's no cat litter crunching under my feet or cat pee stinking up the joint. His Instagram feed isn't just a million pics of his pet making variations of the same pose. There's no dickhead pets jumping all over us vying for our attention when we bang. And, as a bonus, there's no animal hair on my clothes or his furniture. These are all great things!

Pet-free guys, this unused lint roller is for you.


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