September 29, 2008

Dear Shmitten Kitten: Picky and Crushed

So, the other week we ran a contest to see who could submit the best "Dear Shmitten Kitten" questions. The lucky winners will receive a copy of of the book Dating Makes You Want to Die (But You Have To Do It Anyway), and the author Dorothy Robinson will answer the winning queries as a guest editor. All week we will publish the winning entries. For today's question, we explore the wacky world of crushdom. Antoinette, your book is in the mail. Read on:
Dear Shmitten Kitten,
Why do I have mega crushes on boys for months/years, and then as soon as they show interest I find a weird reason not to like them? It can be for stupid reasons, like their ears are too small or I don't like the way they chew their food. Do boys do this too? Or am I just weird. One of my guy friends broke up with the most gorgeous girl I'd ever seen because "her lips were too thin." What's wrong with us?

-Too Picky and Too Crushed
TPATC, aren't crushes things of awesome? In the dull humdrum of life, they take you to a warm and happy place and give you a reason to wake up in the morning, or at least go to a party where the object of your crushdom might be (squeal!). Your crush is perfect, because you are imagining them as so. They always have fantastic breath, a witty retort, and abs of steal. But the longer this goes on, the more your object becomes less like who they really are and more like how you imagine them to be.

But how can they be that ideal you have of them, when it's all in your head? It's frustrating all around. So, basically, when your crush finally does show interest--and they will because you've been making goo-goo eyes at them for months not--they will not match up to what you had imagined in your head. Even something like their small ears or nose hairs or how they wear their jeans is enough to turn you off forever because, well, it's not how it was mentally advertised.

So what do you do? I recommend you suck it up and go on a few dates with them, warts and all (well, hopefully not warts, but you know what I mean) and see if you can get used to the real person behind the crush. You might be pleasantly surprised. If not, it's obvious your fantasy life is a good one, and if that gets you through the day and nights, then so be it. -Dorothy Robinson


Unknown said...

This is awesome. It's good to hear other people have seinfeld syndrome. For me though, rather than break up with the person over some weird little flaw, I just get massive anxiety over it and try to not think about it. Usually doesn't work. And when there are no visible flaws... she's too good (my fav reason jerry broke up with a girl).

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