October 20, 2008

Dear Shmitten Kitten: Label Anxiety

Oh man! This is the last "Dear Shmitten Kitten" question that our buddy Dorothy Robinson, co-author of Dating Makes You Want to Die (But You Have To Do It Anyway), will answer. And, it's a good one! A huge, whopping thanks goes out to Ms. Robinson for lending her expertise. If you have a question that you want our seasoned perspective on, send an electronic courier pigeon with a message in binary code to us at hi@shmittenkitten.com. Ok, now read on:
Dear Shmitten Kitten,

I was married for three years and just got divorced at 22. I am liberated, but at the same time--COMPLETELY CLUELESS. Let's just say I wasn't reeling in the boys during high school except for the one I ended up hitched to. So the question: How do you know when things get "exclusive?"

For example, I'm dating a guy who I've seen outside of our mutual group of friends about four times. We skipped over "the talk" and dove right into the good stuff and I don't think there's any turning back. If you ask me, we became totally boyfriend-girlfriend on the first night we went out. I got nervous at the ball park and told him all about how hot dogs are made, because I saw it on the Food Network once. And he stuck around after that!!! So how do I ask this guy if we're really "together" without scaring him off?

Anxious Labeler
Dear Anxious Labeler,
There is no reason to bring up "are we boyfriend/girlfriend? OMG!" talk too soon. Unless, of course, you are having unprotected sex and then you need to have some sort of conversation to make sure the two of you are being monogamous and are clean (yes, I know that is scary but you know what is scarier? Genital warts. Just sayin').

But, if you are having a good time and being safe, and he seems like he is having a good time, why rush to label it? At 22, you have all the time in the world. So just let things progress naturally until he brings it up. I know you are impatient to know what he's thinking but he'll make it known before long. Either he will drop either the "g" or "b" word or he'll flake out and you'll feel like shit. But that's better than you thinking you ruined something by being annoying about labels too early in the game. -Dorothy Robinson


emmaleeradley said...

oh my god i feel like shmitten kitten is following my life.
first the text message blog and now this!

Brianna said...

...on the flip side. i've surely had my share of DUDES who wanted to hop into the relationship boat before we even got to the dock. don't let this fool you either. there's a reason they are desperate to rock the boat.

...and speak in metaphors.

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